How many times have you heard or been told that old saw, “no risk no reward?”
In other words, we must put ourselves out on a limb to find happiness or satisfaction in life.
Not so sure I agree with that one. Sure, there are people that will reach for the stars, even tumble a few times before they reach them, if at all. But so many live quiet, contented lives and thrive. They see the stars not as something to reach, but to enjoy.
Are the rewards even greater after the pain and heartache of failing and standing back up again? Isn’t just being content to wake up each morning and enjoy the simple consistency of it all enough to build a happy life?
Falling short of reaching the moon isn’t failure, but part of a journey many take toward self-discovery. Yet perhaps those that needn’t strive for something so grand are lucky. They already know themselves and what will make them happy. Still, is everyone’s perception of a grand life the same?
I have seen so many that have sought to achieve against impossible odds.
Many were successful, some were destroyed. Everyone’s journey toward self-discovery is unique. Coping with achieving less that one’s goals isn’t the same for every individual.
One never knows what will await someone at the end of the road, and whether or not they can handle what they find. Some can’t.
I’ve thought long and hard about what drives people. Why we all have different levels to reach to sustain contentment and self fulfilment. Is it random or destiny that guides our path? If so, is accepting less than we sought merely a way to test one’s resolve or teach life lessons. Or lead us toward our true path?
I’ve known people whose life expectations fell short and they couldn’t go on living. Sadly, they were unable to move ahead and chose to end their own life. I’ve always wondered why and how they made that drastic and tragic decision. Even what might have altered that choice.
Looking around it seems as though goals are quite diverse and complicated. Yet in some small way we follow a path we perceive as either smooth, or filled with potholes. It becomes obvious the outcomes we anticipate aren’t always as we’d hoped. Yet, is our plan the one that counts, or is there a better one we need to discover along the way, and to follow? I believe in many cases there is. And doesn’t a detour usually signal there is construction on a new fresh and better road being prepared ahead?
For many the journey is calm and certain. I knew so may that opted for a calm and quiet existence and life didn’t turn out that way. We always move ahead into a future that is uncertain and unpredictable whatever we pursue.
Others who sought a more unconventional life actually found that peace and self-awareness must include valuing calm and restraint.
We can choose, but so much of the time destiny chooses for us.
We only have a certain modicum of control over the life we choose.
Yet many will readily admit choice is an illusion and we often find ourselves on unexpected roads.
Like driving down a familiar street and finding it closed. Once we’ve turned onto the detours unfamiliarity leads us in directions better than we ever anticipated.
Many will tell you it’s those new roads that bring us to destinations filled with great joy, knowledge and adventure. Still, some wish they’d stayed on the old road and remain dissatisfied with the outcome.
Whatever one’s circumstance may be, human beings must adapt to be content. There is new purpose and fulfillment in unexpected twists and turns.
I have seen so many that stubbornly battled life in a grudge match that didn’t end well.
I suppose what I’m saying is that great opportunities don’t always present themselves in a manner you imagine or insist upon.
Keeping open to new adventures, changes and detours along life’s road may be exactly what leads us to that best life we always sought. No matter how unexpected the path may be.
I have a friend I’ve mentioned before, but to protect the innocent I shall refrain from using her name and instead call her D.
D and I have always agreed on most things. We both truly believe it’s imperative one live in state of gratitude. Every day should begin and end with a big thank you to the big boss.
I make it a habit not to break this rule because the one day I do may be the one I need the whole grateful thing the most. Or perhaps the head honcho will take it upon himself to remind me about the gratitude thing in a very unpleasant way.
D and I are of like mind. She has always spent a great deal of time with the thank you part and added the please, please, please part as well for good measure.
Every time God took off his Bose headphones, which he invented to drown out all our bitching and moaning, D’s voice greeted him immediately with the D prayer specialty, please, please protect everyone I love.
When we were young the pleas happened a few times a day. Of course there were other things to do back then that took preference over the whole constant prayer thing.
We had diapers to change, children to raise, meals to prepare, laundry to do, phone calls to return and husbands to placate.
At that point God pretty much took the few exchanges in stride. I’m sure in a strange way he was comforted by the way she felt the need to communicate each day.
Fast forward and now our duties are far fewer. Our children now believe they are raising us, carry out is the thing and returning calls are now a great many texts instead.
As our tasks grew fewer, D’s pleas increased exponentially. Her Please God communications took on a more desperate tone.
Have you seen this world lately? We all spend a great deal more time now on the what-the-hell-is-going-on-here part of life.
Of course we always worried about our loved ones, but that was then. And this is now, and in no way are those two worlds even related.
When we were kids, life was the opposite of today. We didn’t even lock our doors. We stayed out playing until the street lights went on and we could walk to school or a friend’s house many blocks away on our own.
Now we not only lock our doors, we have them bolted, alarmed and a gun within reach. I’m surprised Gucci hasn’t come out with a line of GG Uzis at its store on Rodeo Drive.
No kid can play safely outside unless someone is watching on constant alert. In big cities like New York and LA a dog is no longer safe from kidnapping on the streets. I sure wouldn’t want to be a French bulldog!
So I understand well the desperation in D’s voice when she begs please, please, pleasewatch over my children and grandchildren.
Although I am making light of this urge to beg the Big Guy to pay attention, I think we all know what happens when God turns the other way, for even a second.
At this age we have seen too much and cried too many tears when those pleas go unanswered and the worst happens. I lost a close cousin to street crime many, many years ago and it’s still always a part of my psyche.
We still beg and cajole for protection from the enormous amount of evil that has infected the world. Now more than ever before.
So is it possible to make any significant difference in what the future holds living in a state of gratitude?
After all many people live in other states. Places like the state of denial or entitlement or it-can’t- happen-to-me land.
Sadly the bad stuff happens to everyone. Some of course more than others. Yet even those who purport to be above such occurrences usually face the inevitable truth that they are indeed merely mortal like the rest of us.
I imagine in the end it’s all about coping. A protective mechanism that allows us to believe we have some sort of power over our destiny. That begging for help from someone or something greater than us may somehow stem the tide of evil.
Intellectually we know bad stuff happens whether or not we pray, beg or deny reality. Yet something inside still wants to believe we can enforce some sort of control over our existence and the lives of those we love.
So is it helping as the world grows more dangerous each minute?
In a strange way for some it is. The need to believe is strong and helps us get through a day. We cannot underestimate the power of positive thinking despite whatever proof has been offered otherwise.
Believing someone hears our pleas offers us a respite from the constant stress living in a harsh and frightening world inflicts. It allows us a partner to watch our back in case it is turned at an inopportune moment.
I guess we will never know for certain whether our prayers and pleas have deterred any evil from coming our way, but we must take some small modicum of comfort in believing they will.
I imagine as the world becomes even more scary the more God will need those Bose headphones. I’m always hoping he can still hear us through the Janis Joplin songs he’s blasting in his ears.
If we learned anything as we grew older, it’s that one needs to do what one can to get through the day. If it takes some gratitude and begging, I say go for it. Wasn’t it God or one of his spokespeople who said, “Ask and ye shall receive?”
Is Life What Happens While We’re Making Other Plans?
When I was young I remember my mother and grandmother had a phrase they used often. It was their version oh well or que sera sera. I remember them saying, “Man plans and God laughs,” over and over. It seemed to address every situation. Death, a divorce, a disappointment, sickness, it seemed to apply equally to any situation.
But what does it really mean? Where does it actually apply and why?
Assuming you are a religious person you would believe that God is in charge of all things. Your destiny is determined before you’re born and even after if you believe in reincarnation.
So what is the issue with free choice and doesn’t this saying in effect eliminate your free will? Your ability to choose the life you want without interference. Then what is the truth, do we have the freedom to choose or are the choices made without any input from us at all?
My grandson asked me if I believe we have free will. Without getting into a religious discussion, I answered simply, yes about most things. What you have for lunch, what movie you want to see, the video game you choose to play, the choices we make in our own lives each day.
However, and here’s the caveat, in my estimation the big choices that affect our path are chosen for us. If on the way to Starbucks for a coffee we are meant to meet our demise, than it’s no longer a small choice, but one that’s predestined. So can we really escape our fate?
We set out in life on a path and if we veer off the universe has a way to push us back where we belong. Part of our journey would include; when we are born, die, our children our soulmates and of course the lessons we are here to learn.
Many, including my daughter believe that the lessons not learned will be repeated. If that’s true I have to say I am a slow learner because it seems like I’m always making the same mistakes. Yet if I have no free choice aren’t these mistakes inevitable and perhaps I’m destined to never learn them? And if it’s part of our destiny to learn, then what happens when we do? Does that signal the end for us, or are there always new lessons after we’ve conquered previous ones? I’m no expert here but I do believe in destiny because I’ve witnessed it at work in my own life. Major life choices I assumed I made seem to have been pre-chosen for me and there was some type of cosmic interference in the most important ones.
So many people believe there is no fate and you are on your own. Whatever you do or how you live your life is strictly up to you and how things turn out is because of the choices you and you alone have made.
If that’s true then why are there so many choices and why do some people seem to instinctively know what to do to enhance their lives? While others, and I guess there’s no other way to say this, screw everything up?
Are some born with a superpower that allows them to instinctively know the best outcome while some are clueless?
Is there a psychic ability some possess and others don’t that allows them to live great lives while others are constantly faltering? Can having an “old soul” truly be a character trait many possess?
Is it man or is it God or Destiny that has the final say here?
I don’t know why life seems so random. Why was Cindy Crawford born looking like Cindy Crawford while others can break a mirror just walking past one.
A question I’ve always asked is: why can some eat anything they want and not gain weight while others can just sniff an éclair and gain five pounds?
Or why people are born into wealth and privilege while others face horrible circumstances in every area of their lives?
Can it be something in this life that determines our destiny before we’re even born?
Obviously this can only be the case if we’ve done something before birth to determine how we’ll be rewarded or punished in this life incarnation. Perhaps kicking our mother too much in the womb?
Are our trials and tribulations simply a result of a past existence we screwed up and are now back again to make everything right?
And did those who have good lives earn them before by conquering the lessons somewhere else?
Damned if I know. I’ve shaken my head too many times to count watching horrible people, who have done nothing but hurt and abuse others, be rewarded for their selfish, callous ways.
I’ve also seen wonderful generous giving people who spend their lives helping others suffer terrible fates.
Then what’s the answer here? Not so sure I buy the “karma” explanation anymore. Since I wasn’t there when the universe was created I can’t say for sure what this whole human experience truly consists of, or its purpose. Actually I’m not certain there is any purpose at all some days.
Many say you come back with a good life if you suffer in this one. Others argue there is no karma and what we do in this life has no bearing whatsoever on any lives past or present. It’s just one and done.
Is there a destiny, do we have free will and are we on our own here with no one to answer to but ourselves?
Do we choose our path and if wrongly chosen will we be forced back onto the one chosen for us?
I myself have thought many times about other lives I had planned to live and wondered how I got here. Is this truly the life I’d envisioned or did I miss the cues that might have led me somewhere else?
I’ve always told myself it’s never to late to live out your dreams, but as I get older I find myself asking, were those dreams or merely an imagined life so destiny led me somewhere different? If that is the case then it is to late. There are no do overs and although we can make changes, in the end we can’t go backward and relive another desired existence.
If this all sounds a bit familiar and a great deal sad, perhaps it is. Mostly because we lived believing we had free will and might have chosen quite differently had we known we actually did not.
So many ask themselves and others “if you had your life to live over, what would you change?”
I have never had the courage to admit I might. For in saying I’d want another life I’m expressing regret for all the good things and blessings in this one.
Perhaps we as human beings are not born with the skills or insight to choose wisely so we must be guided.
Should we have regrets? Should we castigate ourselves for bad decisions or accept our fates.
Had we ourselves chosen might not our life be empty and devoid of those sad moments that allow us to distinguish them from happy ones? And don’t we need both to understand the human condition?
By now you’re thinking I’ve taken the long way around the block to get to the same place, and perhaps I have. Perhaps because this is a question that can’t be answered.
Yet I know with certainty that as one nears the end of this voyage we truly understand the meaning of how we selected and where it all ultimately led. Why regret our choices when it’s simply easier to believe our lives were predestined. Performing the shoulda coulda woulda exercise on our lives is a wasted effort.
I say there’s nothing like blaming someone or something else for our mistakes. Now that’s a lesson most people learn very young. Perhaps God is always laughing when he sees what I choose and after all everyone loves a good laugh.
I believe the blame game comes under the heading of “The Dog Ate My Homework and Other Time-Honored Excuses.” Too bad dogs can’t eat chocolate or I’d use that one all the time.
Easy Peasy Meatball Soup
Winter is coming and even those hardcore never cook at home diners crave something easy to make on a cold snowy night. If you’d rather stay home in lieu of braving the elements, try this. It takes no time to make and it’s so tasty, you’d never know it’s a true hack.
2 Cans of Campbells Tomato Soup
2 cans of milk or half and half
½ cup of spinach
½ pound of hamburger
1 tsp Italian seasonings
½ teaspoon basil
1 slice of no cook lasagna noodles
½ cup of grated parmesan cheese (optional)
salt and pepper
Season the hamburger with salt and pepper and roll into tiny meatballs.
Place cans of tomato soup in a saucepan and add other ingredients with the exception of parmesan cheese. That’s for sprinkling on top of finished soup.
Add meatballs and turn on low heat. Break up lasagna noodle into small pieces and add to soup. Cover and cook on lowest heat until meatballs are done and noodles are soft, gently stirring occasionally.
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