Tag: spandex

I’m a Superhero! Guess Who.

Why Do Superheroes Wear Masks?

Proving how bored I was the other day, I actually spent time pondering why heroes need a mask.

I can definitely see the benefit of a bad guy covering up to hide from his crimes, but why would the Lone Ranger have to wear a mask? Wouldn’t that be taking humility a bit too far? And couldn’t someone follow him and check out where he lived to see his real identity? Duh.

And let’s get real here… Superman and those Clark Kent glasses? Really? Gee what a great disguise. I’d never be able to tell it was him. How stupid were the people who worked at the Daily Planet anyway? Wouldn’t the voice give it away even if they were too dumb to recognize him? And why didn’t Lois Lane have the hots for Clark Kent? Did the glasses turn her off? I mean he did look smarter with the glasses.

Zorro wore a mask, Batman, okay every superhero almost. Except the Incredible Hulk. But seriously how many gigantic green guys are there anyway? I’m just guessing here, but I don’t think a mask would hide Hulk’s identity.

The kind of confusing thing about the hero stuff and mask wearing wasn’t lost on me.

Why didn’t Roy Rogers were a mask?

He was a good guy who caught the bad guys? Most cowboy good guys and sheriffs didn’t see the need to cover their faces. In fact I think they wanted the bad guys to know who they were.

When Jim Arness walked into Miss Kitty’s bar I think he wanted to make a statement. Like “I’m here so don’t even think about it. And don’t make me call Chester.”

I do realize that many heroes wore not only a mask, but also a costume.

How did they have time to change so fast when the bad guy was doing his worst?

Like Bruce Wayne is in the Batcave just chugging some expensive wine. Oops! There goes the Bat signal mid sip. But he’s in his Saville Road suit. So he has to run into the bedroom, change into that elastic batsuit. By the way have you ever tried to put on Spanx? It takes a while. Then he runs out to the Bat garage. Calls Robin to get his ass in gear and the two of them jump into the Batmobile and arrive just in time to find out the bad guys left twenty minutes before.

Timing a little off there spandex guy?

So why do Superheroes have to hide from the world?

Isn’t it good to show yourself and be forthright about the good deeds you do?

Perhaps it has something to do with the meaning of true charity being done in secret. But is being a superhero charity?

Actually, kind of silly to wear a disguise if it isn’t even partly adequate when we all knew Clark was Superman, and Zorro Don Diego de la Vega. And how obvious was it for heaven’s sake if you saw some guy and an Indian companion with no mask, DUH? How’s that working for you? “Hi Tonto, who’s your friend on the white horse?”

Of course, the costumes do work for some. Would be hard to recognize Tony Stark in that tin can. Or figure out who was hiding inside that Spidey get up or those Black Panther duds.

Yet I still can’t think of any really good reason why these heroes need masks. Were they afraid someone would sneak up in the night and hurt them?

Seriously, if someone surprised Superman could they actually do some damage? What are we, stupid?

Wouldn’t it be smarter to advertise you’re a hero? That way people would see you and say, “Oops, better not blow up that building right now. Batman is idling in his Batmobile over there.”

Let’s be honest, being a superhero is cool. I’m sure you get the best tables in restaurants and even when the place is full you could just drop your name and they’d find room. And not next to the kitchen either.

If you risk your life, shouldn’t some perks come along with that? You should even be able to cut in line at Starbuck’s. Okay, right, there may be some pushback there.

Being a superhero can’t be easy. The cleaning bill on your costume must be astronomical.

Superman’s costume was indestructible. I don’t think the corner cleaners can just throw that in the drum with Aunt Sophie’s party dress.

I imagine the whole question is pretty much one of those forced-to-admit-heroes-wear-masks-but-damned-if-I-know-why moments.

I get that this is definitely not one those mysteries of the world that the Sphinx need tackle. Yet it does point to all the silly stuff we confront each day that makes us scratch our heads in wonder.

Like why vegetables have no calories and chocolate eclairs are fattening? My answer…God must be a man cause no woman would sign off on that one.

So until someone can answer the question of why masks are required accessories for a Superhero wardrobe, I’ll keep it on my what’s-up-with-that  list.

According to ichat this is why the masks. Superheroes wear masks primarily to protect their secret identities, ensuring the safety of their loved ones from retaliation. Beyond security, masks create an aura of mystery, establish a unique persona, and symbolize a shift from a normal life to a heroic role, often adopted after a traumatic or defining moment.  

It all sounds very reasonable to me. But that kind of goes against the whole Clark Kent glasses thing I’d say.

Honestly Superman, you seriously need to commit to the whole mask thing. I mean this half in half out bit, not cool.

If I were a superhero I’d wear tons of make-up, get plastic surgery regularly, eat like a pig and then Ozempic myself back to normal.

Oh wait, everyone is doing that now. Perhaps Superheroes are just being honest and open when they wear a mask. After all, don’t all of us wear a mask at times? Actually, sometimes many masks that change with the moment. Is covering one’s face just protection from the world? No matter how brave, we all need to hide away sometimes.

You have to admit Superheroes do their hiding with a lot of style. And that spandex is darn flattering.  Maybe a cool Spanx costume to cover the entire body? Hey, just thinking out loud here. 

Dressing Your Age is Like Dressing a Stuffed Turkey

Dressing Your Age is Like Dressing a Stuffed Turkey

Since spending more time on YouTube I’ve seen an abundance of women advising other women on how to dress.

How to look thinner, younger, taller, shorter, more modern, more stylish, more French and on and on. It’s like trying to figure out if you should stuff the Thanksgiving turkey or just bake the dressing in a casserole dish to let the poor bird breathe.

My first response to these self-proclaimed fashion experts is, funny you don’t look like Anna Wintour or Diana Vreeland.

And since they’re not top dog fashionistas, why should I take their advice? But I watch despite myself to see if there are any little stylish tidbits that have been hiding in the fashion bat cave.

I am usually taken by how ordinary their own fashions seem to be. I don’t remember once seeing their outfits and saying, “Wow I’d like to look like that.”

I’ve always believed fashion has to capture us and spark some type of excitement. A pair of jeans and a striped t-shirt may be standard fare and always acceptable, but sparking, not so much.

If I were taking advice on looking fabulous, I’d take it from Giorgio Armani or Ralph Lauren.

Help me Giorgio, Help Me!

I have come to the conclusion there is fashion and then there is dressing appropriately.

They are two different things.

I think we forget that fashion can be fun. In our need to fit in when we’re young we followed the crowd. Dressing with pizazz or creativity has always been the mark of a rebellious nature.

Yet runway shows are most often over-the-top clothing one would never wear in their daily life. Oh sure I’ve seen high school girls more topless than runway models, but that’s their mother’s problem.

So because you reach a certain age does that mean fun with fashion days are over?

Once it was unheard of for women to wear slacks. Now women in their nineties are wearing jeans. And if men’s ties are “in” why can’t we sport that look?

Yet as we age it seems we are less likely to take risks or push the envelope.

It suddenly becomes all about comfort. Speaking for myself I don’t have the patience to be constrained any longer.

Wearing tight jeans, trying to stuff myself into a pair of unforgiving slacks with a tight waist and belt seems ludicrous to me now. I no longer have any desire to lie down on the bed to zip my Calvins. Let’s face it, I might not have the strength to get up afterward.

Elastic waists are a gift that allow us to move about unencumbered by buttons and fabrics that refuse to budge an inch.

The addition of spandex has allowed us to wear pants with a waist and zipper, yet the give is forgiving and the comfort level is high. Although there are differing opinions about who actually created elastic, it was in the mid 1800s in England. So, I guess we should give the Brits a pass on Harry and Meghan since we owe them.

Yet how does one who loves style continue to show individuality in their choices?

Jewelry? Yes, but now some of the so-called fashion experts advise that big colorful necklaces are “out” and small delicate jewelry is in. Good luck finding a thin chain in the folds of your turkey neck.

So many women opt for necklaces instead of surgery and one that comes to mind is Candice Bergan. Her neck was always covered with a statement piece to hide the ravages of time. Now apparently these look heavy and outdated.

During the pandemic our wardrobe suddenly consisted of sweats, sweats, and sweats.

Who needed jeans and a belt to watch Netflix or take a walk around the block?

At first when we reentered the world it was fun to get dressed. I pulled my favorite outfits out of the closet and oops, yep there it was. It seems the pandemic created a bit of a problem. Many of us learned that sitting around on our keesters caused expansion. Our waistlines grew in proportion to all those new recipes we tested and people even stopped wearing pants on Zoom calls. Talk about comfort.

So we switched into comfort mode.

Living in California I soon learned that there is a very slim line between casual and after-six-style.

I’m not sure if it’s the weather or just that old California laid-back lifestyle that dictates fashion.

People here think nothing of wearing jogging suits to a restaurant or the market.  Along with their Chanel bag and Cartier Love bracelet. Apparently, it’s some type of I’m-so-rich-I don’t-care Cali couture.

Dining with the ladies involves jeans and a sweater or shirt. Despite Beverly Hills’ reputation as so chic, residents think nothing of dressing down to lunch even in the poshest of eateries. I was at a semi-formal evening event recently and saw a man wearing jeans and a sports jacket.

So is it an age thing this comfort dressing, or are people just over it?

When I was in Paris many years ago, I was shocked by how Parisian women dressed.

High spike heels on those cobblestone streets, clacking as they walked. My feet ached every time I heard them take a step.

Scarfs loose and flowing behind them and coats with belts pulled in tightly to show off their slim waistlines. Don’t tell me you’re not throwing up those croissants, Bitch.

Now the only time I see women in the U.S. dressed to the nines in on TV shows about realtors. Apparently in real estate to sell a house you have to be a fashionista. They wear designer jewels and clothes with slits cut up to the tush and boobs hanging out of push-up bras. And what was your offer, Sir?

Us ordinary women seem content to don something comfortable to fulfill both a good look and great comfort.

If you’ve ever noticed a woman’s face walking in uncomfortable shoes it’s not a pretty sight.

Now happy feet seem to reign and it’s all about looking nice in relaxed luxury. Designer brands even offer athletic outfits and sneakers logoed up to the hilt.

The Doris Day, Pillow Talk look, that glamorous image women once sought to perfect seems a bit ancient today.  Could you imagine Jackie Kennedy showing us around the White House in jogging shorts?

And although so many women give in to the desire to pull out a favorite piece of jewelry now and then, we all seem to succumb to those spandex-laden jeans, long skirts and comfy tops that allow us to move without pain.

So I suppose although one’s hearing may be failing as we age, listening to our inner fashionista is still possible. Nowadays it seems fun with fashion means being comfortable and happy in both our own skin and apparel.

Design is no longer the dictate of Vogue editors but our own bodies. And my waistline is loudly yelling “Hello! I need more room here. And did you really need that extra piece of pizza?”