This Whole England-America Special Relationship Really is a Thing

We’ve heard a great deal lately about a special relationship between the United States and England.

At first I thought it was because of the whole 1776 revolution incident. Also, sharing a language, well sometimes anyway. I must admit I’m forced to use the captions when watching certain British shows. And I watch a lot of those.

Recently however I’ve noticed something becoming more and more evident.

There is actually very little daylight between British and American culture.

It’s uncanny the similarities we share. I’ve noticed constant references to American films, television and celebrities on numerous UK shows.

Even older ones that Americans might find obscure show up constantly on BBC shows.

The other day someone referenced Humphrey Bogart and the African Queen, The Lone Ranger and sang Greased Lightnin on British programs.

This is especially the case on comedies that when seeking humorous punchlines resort to Americanisms for laughs.

At first, I was surprised to hear these continuous allusions to stars and places Americana until it became obvious.

We do share a language and a culture in too many ways to avoid intertwining.

Art design and entertainment is way too deeply embedded now to ever be removed.

The familiar shows, celebs and movies pop up easily and are highly recognizable on both sides of the Atlantic.

I’m not certain when it happened or why, but it has. I mean what city doesn’t have street names from England. Hello! New York, New England, Kensington, Cornwall, Queens?

I imagine because we shared a language and both began as Christian countries it was inevitable we’d bond over similar lifestyles.

And speaking of Bond, what American didn’t know and adore Sean Connery?

Who hasn’t read Pride and Prejudice or Shakespeare?

Yet is it just England or is it also the entire Western World that formed a bond that is now coming a bit unraveled at the edges?

Yes, of course we all are familiar with European culture, but far less with other countries.

On occasion we’d watch a German movie with subtitles. Or Spanish or French flick.

France and Italy were a close second to England  in familiarity possessing an enormous desire to travel there for the food and sights.

And let us not forget Bridget Bardot, Maurice Chevalier, Coco Chanel and Louis Jordan.

Italy won our hearts with pasta, leaning towers, gorgeous landscapes and Sophia Loren, Marcello Mastriani and the Godfather.

But there is still something incredibly familiar about England. It’s as though we were always one country with a giant ocean in between. Flying to London on business or for vacation never seemed too difficult. Like going to a relative’s for a weekend stay.

We shared fashion, Carnaby Street, Twiggy in the sixties. Music, Princess Diana, the Beatles and all the other groups in the British Invasion. So many Brits embraced Hollywood as a second home and lived here part or full time. So many British recording artists cite singers like Elvis and Little Richard as their inspiration.

Great American movies like Star Wars were filmed at Pinewood Studios in England and so many crossover stars populated these films.

It almost became difficult to discern who was British or American in show business any longer. Still isn’t.

I must admit in the food department Americans were pretty much okay with Brits keeping their fare to themselves.

While we embraced burgers, pizza and Asian delights, it wasn’t until quite recently British food became a thing and their chefs accepted as culinary elite.

Let’s face it when was the last time you went to a restaurant here that featured spotted dick or blood sausage on the menu? UGH!

But we Americans were more than happy to buy into the rest. English furniture and antiques were held in the highest esteem by the wealthy classes in the States.

British décor complete with dark rich paneling was prominent in the most prestigious homes, exclusive private clubs and public buildings.

And in the fifties when MGM boasted it had more stars than the heavens a great deal of them were English.

Most Americans liked Queen Elizabeth and have a favorable view of the Royal family. Okay many of its members anyway.

We even chose to believe we had our own royal family for a time and its theme was even Camelot.

Kennedy’s death destroyed that dream in a hurry, but the pride we felt in that First Family remains with all of us who lived during those times. It was then we could understand the British pride in their royals.

I remember playing with paper dolls as a kid with gowns from Queen Elizabeth’s coronation.

Although many won’t admit it, we all loved the pomp and circumstance of royal weddings and otherworldly jewels and crowns.

Yes, we’d separated, but it was more like a family that goes through a divorce, but continues to vacation together at the family beach house each summer.

The connection is never really broken.

No other country in the western world has had a closer relationship, shared so much culture or moved so easily through one another’s world.

Politics aside, Britain’s choice of leaders as will ours, won’t impede on what has already become such a deep and abiding interaction between the people of the US and UK.

Perhaps yes, I’m being too optimistic here. As the culture of England and America changes the similarities may subside.

If that is the case, it would be a great shame. Thank goodness we’ll always have Monty Python, Ab Fab, Downton Abbey, Nigella Lawson, Harry Potter and Bond movies to fall back on when we need a British fix

And the Brits will always have Hollywood, Texas Barbeque, Black Friday sales, Halloween, Levis and McDonald’s.

We’ll continue to share it all just as surely as Bogie and Bergman will always have Paris.

Please Protect My Depends From Evil

Please Protect Depends from Evil

There is no doubt in my mind I’m not the only one who has to hire Hercules to open my packages nowadays. Does anyone but me say nowadays nowadays? Anywho I was talking about trying to open packages I receive from online and buy in stores.

It seems there is a movement underway to prevent anyone over sixty from accessing their purchases.

Not only are packages impossible to open, I can’t even understand how you would even find the right place to start anymore.

They come in convoluted boxes and plastic covers that are almost impossible to expose. Does it open on the side, the top, or somewhere in between? Is this a Martian ploy to drive us all crazy and move in?

The configuration is completely foreign to me. So I wind up slicing through the entire box until I find a crease that will produce the contents. Or just try to find a scissors strong enough to cut the container apart. Maybe Robert Downey Jr. will loan me his Iron Man suit?

If these newfangled and I’m not sure anyone says newfangled anymore either, boxes are a challenge, let me tell you about the bubble wrapped ones covered in plastic. They are built to withstand a nuclear holocaust and along with the roaches will be the only things left intact after World War III.

I have tried to open them with scissors, obscenities, knives, rocket launchers, a crowbar and a prayer. Nope, nothing works.

Some do allow access if you bend the entire wrapping backward. Then you can almost see a slight opening only someone who works out every day could even pull back.

By the time I open these damn packages, I’m too weak to use what’s inside.

So I must ask myself, is this a plan to kill off old people and lower the population?

I have heard of certain cultures that believe if someone lives too long, they’re outta there. So is this the new way of ridding the planet of those who are past their prime?

Ah, so I see, it’s an old people test of some sort.

Like a carnival arcade game.

Open the wrapping and prove you are fit to stay on earth.

Hmmm? If this sounds like some dystopian plot, have you tried to open those new boxes from Amazon that use the same glue as NASA on its rockets?

Not only can we tear every muscle trying to open up a new can opener or bottle of make-up, we can also go mad trying to figure out which end is up. Or worse slice our hand off trying to cut the darn things open.

I have spent a lifetime trying to figure out which end is up and now, just when I think I mastered the test, there are these boxes.

Ah but who is behind this evil plot? Is it SPECTRE? Or Austin Powers? Come back to us Sean Connery. Come back!

Just like there are senior friendly caps on prescriptions shouldn’t there be the same for boxes? I mean we could check a box on the order whether or not we are old. If that box isn’t too small to see of course. Then they could send us easy open containers.

I don’t want to get all Gray Power about this, but don’t seniors have rights? Shouldn’t we be allowed to open boxes as easily as a body builder? Can’t they test to see if anyone but Arnold Schwarzenegger can open these containers?

Even a bagel has a plastic support invention to cut it open safely.

I guess I have to ask myself, who are they protecting my face cream from?

Is there some type of corporate espionage we don’t know about?

Is Charmin secretly ordering boxes of Northern Quilted to copy their softness secrets? My ass is flattered they care so much. Perhaps Proctor and Gamble is protecting my Oil of Olay so that Chanel can’t steal its anti-wrinkle formula.

You would honestly think the key to Fort Knox was in those boxes. Well the joke is on them because the U.S. is so broke they will have to go somewhere else to find any money now.

I understand merchandise must be protected from shoplifters. But now that’s it’s all under lock and key can’t they ease up a bit on the packaging? I mean is Metamucil really in danger of being stolen by a herd of constipated elephants?

Can an eighty-year-old woman really shove a giant size box of Depends into her purse?

Is there a run on cases of Ensure in drug stores? And could an old person really lift one?
But are these products designed to be protected in the stores? Or as I am prone to believe, from anyone opening them post purchase? Perhaps they should return to using the blue dye attachments that spray your face?

Corporations spend a fortune protecting products with unopenable boxes each year.

Just a thought here. Perhaps the money would be better spent installing metal detectors in every school in America to protect kids instead of Ex lax? Just saying.