Tag: Mars

Eating Brownies on Mars in a Bikini

I am quite aware that my life has become a skit on the Carol Burnett Show.

Watching Burnett as Mrs. Wiggins walking all hunched over was funny indeed. Now, not so much when it takes me twenty minutes to stand up straight after sitting.

Funny it seems although your hearing slips a bit as you get older you can clearly hear your bones creaking just fine. Perhaps my father’s excuse about not hearing my mother because he was getting deaf was a ruse?

So now that spry is a word that means being able to get to your Amazon delivery before the porch burglars beat you to the punch, we must find new ways to be happy. To avoid guilt over those activities that once gave us pause. To embrace eating a whole pie while standing at the counter and evening off the sides.

And bless the gift of rationalization, I use it more and more.

For instance, did you know that brownies contain eggs and walnuts. Well, you do have to add the walnuts, but still. Do you see what an education we received from foods? And how much they help us?

Add to that the fact most people enjoy a glass of milk with their brownies and now you have a healthy snack with protein, vitamins and endorphins. You see, you have to look at things the right way. If you use dark chocolate the brownies are even healthier. Something about antioxidants.

I believe we can all agree on the fact fruit pies are a real boost to your health. I mean blueberry alone is one of the most applauded foods. Antioxidants and vitamins and they even taste great.

How about apples with the whole “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” rep? So eating an apple pie is healthy, right? I’ve heard really good things about cinnamon too so cut me a big slice, please.

And let’s not forget lemon and lime pies. Hello, vitamin C there.

Pizza taught us how to divide a whole pie into slices. And the meaning of bliss.

TV dinners taught us to compartmentalize. Twinkies lesson; that some things indeed are built to last forever.

I know some experts say frying foods is unhealthy, but here’s the thing. If frying chicken is the only way you will eat chicken, then doesn’t eating protein make up for the frying thing?

How obvious is it to everyone that Cracker Jacks taught us that life is filled with surprises, good and bad. Like when you had to share and your brother got the prize inside.

Let’s talk about macaroni and cheese for a moment, shall we?

Okay so many believe it’s a heart attack on a plate. And yes, the cheese is pretty abundant if it’s a good recipe. But hey, cheese is protein, so that’s good. And if you add the milk, it’s calcium up the wazoo. Let’s remember we need that for strong bones.

And please, just adding a bit of bacon to that mix is extra protein. Need I say more? Healthy, delicious and a staple in everyone’s diet since the days of Kraft’s blue box when we were kids. No excuses needed on this one. Heart attack on a plate my eye.

I doubt anyone could argue that balancing the cream in our Oreos taught us more about ratios than fourth-grade arithmetic.

Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. One could say it’s almost the perfect food.

I’m sure I could go on all day about how foods we love that have been so maligned can offer some nutritional benefits. And yes, I understand fully that sugar is not our friend.

Yet in small amounts, unless you’re diabetic, sugar should be okay. I mean let’s say you bake a batch of cookies. Most make about three dozen or so. If you only use one cup of sugar and divide it between 36 cookies. I mean unless you eat the whole batch yourself in a day is it really so bad? Okay, so I guess it’s possible for some people to eat them all.

There is a point here I promise.

We have grown up with more changes to health advice from so-called experts than grains of sand on Caribbean beaches. Please don’t even start me on that crazy food pyramid thing.

So which is it already? Is fat healthy or as they now say, good for you?

Are carbs okay to eat or actually our enemy?

Is it all about vegetables or is protein the key to health?

Duh, your head could spin from all the diets and experts changing their minds every ten minutes.

And perhaps this constant change in attitudes toward foods creates more anxiety in us about eating anything at all.

And as we all know stress makes us eat even more. So if they would make up their minds already we could all calm down and enjoy a BLT in peace.

Now after much rationalizing and making excuses for eating the foods I love I have a new solution. I truly believe this will be more effective.

Space travel. Yep, just hop on one of Elon Musk’s rockets and high tail it to Mars. I said Mars, the red planet, the place where the little green men live. And there is a reason they are little green men.

If you weight 100 pounds on earth, on Mars you only weigh 38.

Sounds like a hell of a weight loss plan to me. Who the hell needs Ozempic when Mars is the obvious answer.

So I’m off to the kitchen to bake some brownies to take along on the trip.  I’ll see you all on the red planet. Now where did I put those walnuts?

Beam Me Up, Scotty

So as I was watching an old Star Trek the other night for I can’t even fathom how many times, it occurred to me there must be a reason. There are certainly no surprises there.

Shatner is pompous, conceited and overacts without any competition, then or now. And we loved him for every minute.

Spock is as usual calm, logical and an earful.

All the characters are so familiar, Bones, Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, plus the anonymous crewman who won’t live through the episode.

Why does the Star Trek franchise, especially originals like The Trouble with Tribbles or The City on the Edge of Tomorrow continue to fascinate and hold the attention of fans?

Simple answer; beats me.

More complicated answer, better than watching the news.

Or is it that we are amazed that what we once thought of as science fiction is now our new reality?

Is our escape into the past just a way to avoid the anguish of today’s world?

Or is it more? Is it the fact we are surprised at how fantasy has now become real, and how frightening that prospect may be?

Is there really such a genre as science fiction any longer?

It should be obvious to all who watched in awe as the Enterprise soared through space that science fiction is no longer fiction.

So If that is true, how frightening is a future filled with Dystopian and Star Wars battles?

If we are incapable of getting along with one another on Earth, how will we unite enough to overcome enemies from outer space?

Sure, many doubt there is life anywhere but here, and to those egocentric humans I ask the question; seriously are you so special that in all eternity and endless space earth is the only planet to have life?

Okay, now that we’ve dealt with the egos let’s get real?

Is the fact we are so at war with each other a deterrent to success against otherworldly enemies?

And is the fact that mankind, despite Darwin’s’ theories on evolution, actually devolving?

There is certainly a strong case to be made for that point of view. Hello, Congress, People!

Yet if and when the day comes when the millions of earthlings who have been ridiculed and mocked for their belief that we are not alone are proven right; does man have the ability to join forces to battle such formidable foes?

Are we capable of putting aside our ideologies and pettiness for even a moment to agree on how to combat such horrific threats?

Who would lead? Who would make decisions?  Who would fight? Whom would deliver daily Le Cirque meals to the hypocritical despots at the United Nations?

These are questions that would have to be answered, and I’m just thinking we may have a problem, Houston.

Science fiction which once told tales of man landing on the moon, 1967 check; reaching Mars 1976, check; robots, check, AI, check, time travel, working on it right now in Switzerland, check, check, check.

We did it all despite the fact when Jules Verne, HG Wells and Ray Bradbury were spinning tales of futuristic adventures, readers shook their heads in disbelief and called it all fantasy.

Sadly, I’m afraid I must point out the obvious here. Yes, indeed mankind has achieved a mastery over technology once only dreamed about.

Yet man himself has forged a path backward through time to become once again a primitive and warrior creature incapable of reason or a sense of ethics.

The “cave-man-take” mentality where everything was fair for the grabbing has returned to earth. Now, far too many see death and destruction as a means to an end.

Oh boy, would old Machiavelli be happy about how man has digressed into his old primal self once more.

So what is to be the ultimate conclusion here?

How can a life form with a caveman mentality handle the weight and gravitas of a high-tech existence?

Guess we can’t. Then what in the end will it take to force humans to jump start evolution once more?

To leave behind iniquity and its constant defense as a justified means to commit evil? To accept their better angels instead of their most primitive barbaric selves? To use what they have invented for good?

Can it be done? Sadly, probably not without something so horrific and mind shattering that man will be forced to face his inner demons and drive them out. Then and only then will earth ever see peace. Can our children and grandchildren ever have hope for a better future. Will we once again begin the trek toward progress and the light.

So, if you think science fiction still exists, I invite you to look around and see how little science is now fiction, but sadly how much mankind has lost in the process?

I pray there is still hope we can Live Long and Prosper! Kirk Out!

What Do You Do When There’s Nothing to Do?

What Do You Do

When There’s Nothing to Do?

“We are always the same age inside…” Gertrude Stein

There are way too many new realities to accept when you are talking about the laugh laugh golden years. One of these is that once you stop working and raising your children life changes.

So what do you do with all the extra time?

Despite claims otherwise ageism is the last and most accepted form of ism in America.

There doesn’t seem to be any downside to businesses or corporations that pass on hiring “older” people. No one would actually ever admit they weren’t hiring you for age reasons, but there are always red flags.

Years ago I interviewed for a newspaper job in Los Angeles with a business newspaper.

The editor was someone I had known and was very familiar with my work.

During the interview he asked, “would you feel out of place working among all young people?”

Hello, red flag warning and surprise of course I didn’t get that job.

I have a friend who is far past the retirement age for teachers. Due to tenure her job is secure and she can work up until the time she can no longer find her way to the school. I have no doubt that even after the state says she can no longer drive she will be Ubering to work every day.

I totally understand because she is absolutely someone who would be lost unless she had somewhere to go every day.  

However not everyone is a teacher with tenure, so what does a person who is perfectly capable of continuing to contribute to society do to keep functioning?

I always think about Iris Apfel who now in her nineties and still running a successful design business.

Let’s face it, it’s easier when you’re in the arts and a creative person to keep rolling on, but of course you needn’t be Picasso to enjoy taking art classes.

I’ve thought about ageing a great deal and have spoken about it many times so obviously it’s bugging me plenty. I guess I get extra whiny on this subject.

Here’s why. When I was a kid in Florida visiting my grandparents, I’d see older people sitting on the porches of the hotels across from the ocean, rocking and talking and I never thought that could happen to me, but maybe deep down I did. And I’m not judging. If someone is happy sitting and relaxing it’s all good.

Yet I must ask…what can you do when you have nothing to do?

If the pandemic taught us anything it’s that one can fill their days and let’s face it we were shoved into our homes to face and fill 24-hours.

Still we all found ways to be productive and even enjoy the down time away from the hustle and bustle of daily life.

Eventually we all figured out ways to POD with our families, work streaming TV and find places from which to order toilet paper.

I’m reminded of how much our lives became reminiscent of when our children were young and a snow or rainy day came along.

As parents we often had to round up our kids and find fun and interesting things to do to fill those hours.

So now suddenly at this age we have become our own parent and we are the kids with nothing to do.

I guess we could bring out the arts and crafts boxes and cut snowflakes.

Paint T-shirts maybe?

After the pandemic I can’t even look at another jigsaw puzzle.

Cooking? Oh right, my cardiologist would be thrilled that I was in the kitchen finding new ways to fill my face.

Exercise? If I hated it when I was young why would I want to do that now?

I have friends who play pickleball and God bless them for it, but my feet start bitching the moment I step out of bed in the morning.

Of course there’s the tried and true older person fall back fun stuff like Bridge, Maj Jong, Canasta and anything that involves sitting at a table and intermittently reaching for the nearby bowl of M&Ms or nuts.

In a new world one would think there are tons of new options available for golden yearers. Is all we can hope for the same old same old and videos of us dancing with our grandchildren on Instagram Reels?

Despite the fact a majority of seniors avail themselves of the new technology playing scrabble online can’t fill a day.

I am fortunate in that I play Roblox, whatever that is, with my grandsons online. I have no idea what I’m doing but as long as it’s with my boys I’m happy.

But what about the rest of the hours in a day?

Can we still find ways to feel relevant and in control?

Time to shift gears to optimistic here.

I say yes.

I truly believe there are more opportunities now than ever before.

I have been able to do things and achieve goals now I couldn’t before because of my age. So from a certain perspective there is definitely an upside to this aging thing.

I needn’t list the enormous variety of options available to fill our days, but a new one is definitely leaf peeping and yes that’s a real thing.

I guess the list is endless actually, but it does take a certain amount of commitment.

It’s great to have a group of friends who will inspire and force you to make plans and join in the fun.

I don’t pretend any ideas are new or revolutionary and haven’t been used for ages. It does seem though that there should be some new ones out there and that’s just it, there doesn’t seem to be any.

The options for filling our days are pretty much set in stone and in this exciting and scary new world, one would like to think there are new places to visit and new adventures to be had.

Space travel which I believed would be an option by now is unavailable, so I don’t think I’ll be joining Flash Gordon on Mars anytime soon.

Like most of us I thought it would be different this whole aging thing, but life is pretty much as expected.

Youth, careers, kids, grandkids, and arthritis.

Nothing much new there.

So is life actually predestined? If we reach a certain age can we hope for nothing more than our parents or grandparents were able to experience? Costco, walks in the mall, various activities and of course constant doctor visits. Even if you’re well.

What did I expect? I thought new and exciting times would exist for us, but nope, pretty much the same.

We do live longer and feel better now than our parents, so being able to fill our days with fun things to do should be easier.

When I look at life it’s pretty obvious we can be as busy or as idle as we choose and it’s up to us to decide.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but when once our problem was how to find any free time now it’s about finding ways to stay busy. Kinda upside down so maybe that’s why I feel discombobulated. I imagine the important take away is it doesn’t matter what we choose to do with our time, as long as we enjoy what we’re doing. But that’s really what it’s all about at any age, isn’t it?

Crunchy Apple Pork Chops in Cream Sauce

6 pork chop tenderloins or chops with bone in can also be used, but cooking time will increase.

2 apples (your choice) peeled, cored and sliced

¼ cup apple cider vinegar

2 cups heavy cream

1 cup flour seasoned with salt and pepper

1 ½ cups panko crumbs

1 ½ cups dried apple chips ground up well

1 tbsp butter

1 tablespoon of oil

Salt and pepper to taste

Season pork slices with salt and pepper and set aside

Put apple chips in the food processer and ground up well, but not too fine. Combine with panko crumbs. 

Melt butter and oil in frying pan and dip pork into flour and pat off excess. Dip chops into beaten egg then into panko/apple mixture.

Add to frying pan and sear until golden brown. Remove from pan and place in oven at 350 degrees until internal temperature of 150 degrees is reached.

Add apples and cider to frying pan and sauté apples until fork tender and then add cream. Heat over low heat until cream reduces by one third. Taste sauce and add salt and pepper if necessary.

Add back pork into frying pan and cover with cream sauce and heat through two more minutes until all is combined and warm.

Serve over any pasta or rice or with a mashed potato.