Living in the Dark in La La Land

It is becoming increasingly evident to myself and all the other poor unfortunate hostages in Los Angeles that gross mismanagement by our pathetic politicians is over the moon. Spoiler alert: If you think La La Land is the greatest, you need read no further. I’m not mincing insults here. And I have spoken with residents across the entire spectrum of political beliefs and guess what? Everyone agrees that no matter your politics, California is ridiculous. If you live in other states, I say Congrats and I don’t blame you if you are clucking your tongue and wondering why we’re still here.

What once used to be the rare occurrence of an electrical outage has now become a regular event. A few weeks ago, the electricity went off for two and a half days. I bring this up because as I write this rant I am once again without lights or power.

When something rarely happens it can be understood and forgiven. Being from Detroit, I fully understand that the weather, especially in the winter, can create some dark and powerless days. Often in the U.S. spring rains bring raging floods and brutal hurricanes take a great toll. And yes of course, being without the Internet and some lights for awhile is in no way any great hardship. There are many tragic events we all witness in this country every day, and not watching television most certainly doesn’t qualify. Yet when these events occur, not because of nature or unforeseen circumstances, but because of political incompetence, it’s inexcusable and frustrating. Why should Beverly Hills be without power? Were too many laser treatments happening at the same time?

Here in LA, the inconvenience of living without lights or electricity is clearly another signal the city is being tragically mismanaged and totally lacking in capable leadership. I’m not blaming in any way the men and women who work hard in the field at all hours fixing what’s broken. They can’t be blamed.

I also believe a year ago when water was nowhere to be found during fire season, it should have been a clue things weren’t being handled properly. Sheer incompetence resulted in the tragic loss of so many homes and lives in this area. Instead of a wake-up call it became a blame game of gigantic proportions. The victims are still waiting to get their lives back as empty lots dot the landscape. Despite the rhetoric construction here is a Herculean effort beyond belief.

Our dysfunctional politicians spent all their time finding excuses and others to blame. While they should have been invested in ensuring such events are handled and prevented, they spent their time covering their own rear ends.

There is one thing you can say about California politicians, they are great at deflecting their pathetic inability to govern with any intelligence or accountability.

So here I am, once again sitting in the dark and pondering why anyone would want to live in this ridiculous excuse for a state.

Where once the weather and beauty of the landscape was a good enough reason to dwell here, it is no longer. Traffic, inept politicians, crime, filthy air quality, the unbelievable cost of living and higher and higher taxes are reason enough to leave. And now LA is proposing a higher sales tax to pay for more fire capability. I guess the billions they waste and misplace each year on frivolity is more important than providing civil services. Did I mention the politicians?

It’s no wonder the moving business is the best place to invest in this state.

So many say the weather makes it worth the grief, I must disagree.

Having lived through a major earthquake, I’ll take an ice storm anytime over a crumbling building.

Yes, I admit it’s nice to awaken to sunshine instead of freezing and darkness, but at what price?

I suppose human beings adapt to their environment. Still there comes a time one must wonder if sunny days make up for the idiocy of living in a place run by people that go out of their way to make citizen’s lives harder.

If those in other states actually knew of the outrageously insane laws being passed here constantly, it would provide hysterical fodder for any dinner party.

“Can you believe the people in California allow this to go on? They must be mad.”

I concur as one of the mad ones who feel powerless to stop such madness.

Despite the insanity of the politicians, people continue to vote for the same efficiency-challenged leaders that make their lives unbearable.

When LA DA Gascon initiated cashless bail and raised the financial threshold on jail time for robbery, there was a recall to remove him.

He won and remained in office until it became so unlivable and dangerous they eventually voted him out. But sadly, not by that big a margin.

The answer is simple, either the majority of voters are devout masochists, or are totally oblivious to what is going on around them. I’m probably being too kind here.

Either way it portends badly for the voters that would like to see someone in office that actually has brains and ability. Someone who actually cares about the electorate and not merely their own political agenda. (Dream on, Norma). Still the die-hard LA lovers would tolerate anything and anyone to live here.

So by now you’re wondering why I’m still here. After all, I’m free and light years past twenty-one, why am I bitching instead of packing? Sadly, it’s quite impossible to leave one’s family and friends and start over when you reach a certain age. Certain shmertan age, okay the golden years. I said it. And I’ve figured out the only reason for that name is all the gold it takes to keep yourself healthy. But that’s another blog. If you live in other states, I say Congrats and I don’t blame you if you are clucking your tongue and wondering why we’re still here. But as I said, not so easy.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem likely that in the near future brains and common sense will return to California, but one lives on hope.

Where once people came west to make a new and better life, now sadly they must leave to achieve that goal. Many successful people still live here, but they pay a high price. As someone recently commented about LA, “they don’t make it easy, that’s for sure.”

I’m no Pollyanna who walks around in a dream state. I know life is difficult everywhere. But much harder and unnecessary when politicians are grossly incompetent.

One can only pray the people in this state finally realize that voting for the same horror show of leaders guarantees the same pathetic results.

Maybe looking at a few more pictures of the barren ruins of Pacific Palisades and Alta Dena will jolt them into reason. Alas, I wouldn’t take that bet.

Are You There, God? It’s Me Again.

I have a friend I’ve mentioned before, but to protect the innocent I shall refrain from using her name and instead call her D.

D and I have always agreed on most things. We both truly believe it’s imperative one live in state of gratitude. Every day should begin and end with a big thank you to the big boss.

I make it a habit not to break this rule because the one day I do may be the one I need the whole grateful thing the most. Or perhaps the head honcho will take it upon himself to remind me about the gratitude thing in a very unpleasant way.

D and I are of like mind. She has always spent a great deal of time with the thank you part and added the please, please, please part as well for good measure.

Every time God took off his Bose headphones, which he invented to drown out all our bitching and moaning, D’s voice greeted him immediately with the D prayer specialty, please, please protect everyone I love.

When we were young the pleas happened a few times a day. Of course there were other things to do back then that took preference over the whole constant prayer thing.

We had diapers to change, children to raise, meals to prepare, laundry to do, phone calls to return and husbands to placate.

At that point God pretty much took the few exchanges in stride. I’m sure in a strange way he was comforted by the way she felt the need to communicate each day.

Fast forward and now our duties are far fewer. Our children now believe they are raising us, carry out is the thing and returning calls are now a great many texts instead.

As our tasks grew fewer, D’s pleas increased exponentially. Her Please God communications took on a more desperate tone.

Have you seen this world lately? We all spend a great deal more time now on the what-the-hell-is-going-on-here part of life.

Of course we always worried about our loved ones, but that was then. And this is now, and in no way are those two worlds even related.

When we were kids, life was the opposite of today. We didn’t even lock our doors. We stayed out playing until the street lights went on and we could walk to school or a friend’s house many blocks away on our own.

Now we not only lock our doors, we have them bolted, alarmed and a gun within reach. I’m surprised Gucci hasn’t come out with a line of GG Uzis at its store on Rodeo Drive.

No kid can play safely outside unless someone is watching on constant alert. In big cities like New York and LA a dog is no longer safe from kidnapping on the streets. I sure wouldn’t want to be a French bulldog!

So I understand well the desperation in D’s voice when she begs please, please, please watch over my children and grandchildren.

Although I am making light of this urge to beg the Big Guy to pay attention, I think we all know what happens when God turns the other way, for even a second.

At this age we have seen too much and cried too many tears when those pleas go unanswered and the worst happens. I lost a close cousin to street crime many, many years ago and it’s still always a part of my psyche.

We still beg and cajole for protection from the enormous amount of evil that has infected the world. Now more than ever before.

So is it possible to make any significant difference in what the future holds living in a state of gratitude?

After all many people live in other states. Places like the state of denial or entitlement or it-can’t- happen-to-me land.

Sadly the bad stuff happens to everyone. Some of course more than others. Yet even those who purport to be above such occurrences usually face the inevitable truth that they are indeed merely mortal like the rest of us.

I imagine in the end it’s all about coping. A protective mechanism that allows us to believe we have some sort of power over our destiny. That begging for help from someone or something greater than us may somehow stem the tide of evil.

Intellectually we know bad stuff happens whether or not we pray, beg or deny reality. Yet something inside still wants to believe we can enforce some sort of control over our existence and the lives of those we love.

So is it helping as the world grows more dangerous each minute?

In a strange way for some it is. The need to believe is strong and helps us get through a day. We cannot underestimate the power of positive thinking despite whatever proof has been offered otherwise.

Believing someone hears our pleas offers us a respite from the constant stress living in a harsh and frightening world inflicts. It allows us a partner to watch our back in case it is turned at an inopportune moment.

I guess we will never know for certain whether our prayers and pleas have deterred any evil from coming our way, but we must take some small modicum of comfort in believing they will.

I imagine as the world becomes even more scary the more God will need those Bose headphones. I’m always hoping he can still hear us through the Janis Joplin songs he’s blasting in his ears.

If we learned anything as we grew older, it’s that one needs to do what one can to get through the day. If it takes some gratitude and begging, I say go for it. Wasn’t it God or one of his spokespeople who said, “Ask and ye shall receive?”  

Doing the 100-Meter Medical Dash

After my recent blog about how at a certain age one’s home turns into a make-shift pharmacy, many readers questioned why I had not mentioned the fact they spend most of their waking hours running from dentist to doctor to doctor. It’s called the 100-meter-medical-dash.

When once a conversation would start with, “So how was your golf game?” Now it begins, “I went to that new specialist and he kept me waiting an hour. I almost missed pickleball.”

I’ve never seen an office so busy in my life. It looked like the first day of a clearance sale at Lohmann’s.”

Believe it or not if you live in New York or LA this spending your day going from doctor to doctor can become quite expensive.

In La and NY doctors are in medical buildings. These building don’t charge by the hour, they charge by the minute and some by the second. The last time I went for an MRI it cost me thirty dollars to park my car. And if you think you can escape this fate by street parking, guess again. Most buildings are in areas where there is no parking except in the building lot. I’d bet if you are going for an MRI chances are good you can’t walk ten blocks to get there.

So when did our days of shopping, running errands and meeting friends for lunch become, “maybe I can meet you Monday, but I have to check my medical appointment calendar. I have physical therapy two days, doctor’s appointments two days and I need to go to the oral surgeon for an implant. No on this week, but maybe when things slow down. I’ve got January 11th, 2025 open. For sure let’s make a plan.

Of course we all know we’re making the rounds from cardiologist to orthopedic surgeon to gastro to stay healthy and alive. And please don’t tell me you haven’t noticed your doctors are all the same age as your grandchildren. So annoying.

Okay, moving on, but isn’t it also true that most of our time now involves dashing from doctor to doctor and procedure to procedure.

Where once we collected the names of good manicurists and hair dressers, we are now trading names of orthopedic surgeons, overnight nurses and rehab centers while collecting urine samples.

My left arm is substantially thinner from all the blood they’ve drawn. Forget the fact I’ve had so many X-rays Marvel Comics is making me a new superhero, Glow in the Dark Grammy. And she’s Bionic!

So our lives continue. And although we might walk less steady, down more meds and spend less time going out for dinners and movies, we all keep up the pace of running from office to office to stay alive and feel good. Oh well, at least it does count as daily steps.

If you’re still married your appointments and procedures are doubled.

My friend ran off a list of tests she would be taking the next day. From collecting urine, to X- rays to MRIs and it seemed endless.

We used to discuss new recipes, what we were cooking for dinner and how annoying our husbands could be. Or even the latest diet that landed out of the sky. Quite different nowadays.

I do feel very sorry for those who live in countries where health care is not so easily obtained. Where you have to wait so long for a medical test you die before you’re able to get it. So I’m not complaining. Still, can we all look in the mirror and honestly tell ourselves it’s all worth it? Yes, of course, because at a certain age staying alive becomes one’s priority.

I just think it’s so sad that we are all so preoccupied with health instead of spending all our time living and seizing the day. So how do we capture more me time that isn’t shared with our MDs.

Like we don’t have to see a doctor again until the street lights come on.

Healthier living and medical miracles have definitely allowed us to enjoy life with our friends and families longer.

What if there is a price to pay? Isn’t time the ultimate gift after all?

Running to specialists, giving up certain foods and lifestyle choices, opting for healthier ones are worth it to be with loved ones.

Yet despite greatly understanding and appreciating that this is a good thing, waking up each day and seeing a calendar filled with tests, doctors and dental appointments can dampen your mood a bit. No one looks forward to a colonoscopy.

So how do we make it all more palatable?

As you see while sitting in waiting rooms I’ve given some thought to this situation. I believe one way to take the edge off is to make a living plan. After all, now that we have a health strategy we need to balance it out with a fun formula.

Ah but how do we do that?

I guess it’s about time management. If we make our appointments early in the day we can plan a fun activity afterward.

Take in a movie, meet a friend for lunch. Shop for those new boots you’ve been wanting. Check out the sights in your hometown you’ve never visited.

Do something out of the ordinary. Go for high tea with a few friends, celebrate your birthday even when it isn’t. Drop by and see your grandchildren with a new game to play.

Force your daughter or son to have a special lunch with you and catch up without the kids around.

Surprise your better half with a quick weekend getaway somewhere close they’ve been wanting to see.

If it’s autumn go leaf peeping or pick apples and eat donuts hot out of the Cider Mill oven.

You’ll notice I didn’t recommend joining a gym. This is about fun stuff. But I’ve heard Yoga or Pilates can be fun if your bones still work.

Yes, I get it. All of this takes some planning, but so does making doctor appointments.

I guess it will take effort, but the reward will be worthwhile.

If nothing else you’ll have something to talk with friends about besides your new hip replacement.

Wishing you happy new adventures and carpe diem.

Hey! Boomers Exercise, Too

Hey! Boomers Exercise, Too

Someone asked the other day if I exercise at all. I indignantly responded that it depends on what type of exercise one means?

I must admit my exercise is age related. In other words, appropriate for someone in their laugh laugh, golden years to be doing.

They looked at me quizzically and I said I suppose one could say that yes, I actually get a great deal of exercise. Just not the same as one might be doing in their forties.

For example, when young you might do a series of yoga poses like cobra, lotus, downward dog, happy baby, etc. All very effective and good for the body and soul. Whereas I might do another type of yoga pose like say snoring dog, where I fall asleep on the floor while watching television with one leg up on the ottoman and the other on the floor. Good for the inner thigh muscles.

Or instead of cobra pose I might fall on my stomach and reach for my phone for an hour while I try to slither forward to retrieve it. I call that one the Apple worm slide pose. Same idea just a different name, but great for stretching.

Of course, the most exercise I get each day is moving the heating pad from one part of my body to another. You’d be shocked at how much exercise is entailed in picking up the heating pad and adjusting and shifting it into a new position. Wait, shouldn’t walking to the wall to plug it in count for something? And how about all the steps to take the heatable neck roll to the microwave? And the balance it takes to keep it around your neck?

I am very well aware of movement and I must say I get plenty each day.

First there is the number of steps to take my meds in a timely fashion. Each glass of water I ingest with my pills equals at least three trips to the bathroom. All cardio is welcome here.

I counted and most of my steps are a result of bathroom trips and I also count the ones to the bathroom during the night. I’m just not sure if the ones after midnight should count in the previous day or current day’s step total.

There is a great deal of hand exercise that goes on each day punching the phone to make doctor appointments. Keeps your fingers agile. Sometimes it might take as many as four or five calls to get through to a human being.

I am adamant that putting on spanks should be counted as weight training.  Does anyone have any idea how much muscle it takes to pull those damn things over your hips? Who needs dumbbells when you’re lifting your whole lower body weight?

I don’t discount how much energy is expelled when bringing in the grocery bags from Amazon and putting the food away. I refer to that particular exercise as the Amazon cardio/muscle building combination.

Does it count as resistance training if you stop yourself from eating a second sleeve of Oreos?

Recently I have been the recipient of comments from numerous people that my eyelids look anorexic and very wrinkled.

This is obviously the result of constantly closing them to avoid watching politicians when they appear on the news. I do also count bending and ducking their constant bullcrap whenever they speak for those newly lost inches on my waistline.

I am always working my upper torso by what I call the no-no-no workout. This entails raising my arms to tear my hair out over the crazy lies that come out of Washington. Who says politics aren’t healthy?

A great Cardio workout is easily accomplished just trying to find a salesperson in a mall. I only spend half the time traveling from store to store these days, because just walking through Macys to find some help can add up to a thousand steps.

One must not forget the health advantages to preparing meals. I mean walking to the freezer, removing the Lean Cuisine, walking it to the microwave, waiting for it to cook, placing it on a plate, opening a drawer to take out a fork and then walking into the dining room can provide all the steps you need in a day. I’m tired just thinking of it.

I’m not certain, but I believe it’s fair to count head shakes when my daughter asks me if I’m getting enough exercise.

The up and down movement of yes, I am, counts for something, I think. I mean it helps the back and neck muscles, right?

There are some lesser exercises and after all each step counts.

Things like answering the door for the cleaning service.

Never valeting my car in LA, which I count as quite a commitment to my fitness regime.

Dressing and undressing for every MRI, CT Scan, X Ray and doctor’s appointment surely must increase that activity level.

I’m not sure; does moving your eyes back and forth when you read a book count as facial exercise?

Many of my friends tell me they get great upper body breathing exercise from screaming at their husbands to get up and get their own damn diet coke out of the fridge.

There have been many studies proving it’s easier for Baby Boomers to get back into shape than today’s children to get into it. This is due to muscle memory from our active childhood lifestyle.

This sounds great in theory, but one must keep in mind at our age one cannot be certain our muscles still remember any better than we do.

Oh yes, I know how important it is to move your body each day so I make a conscious effort. There is of course a problem when you are intent on getting in as many steps as possible, and your body is intent on stopping you from doing just that.

But I have learned that with a constant supply of ice packs, heating pads and Motrin on hand, I shall prevail.

So take that Gluteus Maximus because Baby Boomers never quit!

Hmmm, how many calories do you think I just burned typing this blog?