UFO They Told Us So!

UFO They Told Us So!

I would not spend one further moment on the subject of UFOs if I didn’t seriously feel that the UFO phenomenon is real and that efforts to investigate and understand it, and eventually to solve it, could have a profound effect‑perhaps even be the springboard to mankind’s outlook on the universe.

J. Allen Hynek, UFO investigator Project Bluebook.

I have no fireplace. This seems truly unimportant since so many homeowners I know have opted to cover or hide theirs. This is something I’ve always had trouble understanding.

As I sit here writing I have on what I call my faux fireplace which is actually a video of a roaring fire on my television screen. I wonder that I’m so satisfied with believing I have a fireplace and willing to settle for a pretend one.

Okay, so it’s not ideal but it gives me the illusion. And speaking of illusion and perhaps delusion…

Watching the Congressional hearings on UFOs the other day I had numerous mixed emotions, delusion being one I might mention.

I believe my reactions began with What a shock, the government has been lying to us, for a change. It quickly moved on to, I’ve always had a feeling the millions who’d seen UFOs weren’t crazy, especially since they weren’t all from California. I might have had more suspicions had more of them been from the you-should-excuse-the-expression, golden state.

Then came the wow, there really was a Roswell and area 51 and somehow my emotions ended with, wait a minute why are they telling us this now? What are they up to?

I apologize but I haven’t trusted a thing the government says since Watergate. But I digress.

I remember in 1961 Betty and Barney Hill of New Hampshire had claimed to have been abducted by aliens. They blacked out while driving home from their honeymoon and woke up in their car somewhere farther down the road. After being plagued by nightmares they went under hypnosis and corroborated one another’s stories.

It is understandable that in an era when airplanes were still a new commodity that most were skeptical flying saucers were visiting earth, but the incident is still a popular search item to this day.

Now of course these new revelations lend far more credibility to the Hill’s story, but it also initiates many more questions.

I have often wondered with all the sightings documented across the world how many sighters chose to keep their personal experience secret.

After all who could blame someone for not wanting to be called crazy when they may have risked a prestigious job or place in the community?

So what will happen now? Will many who have been afraid to tell, now recant their own close encounter?

One must wonder why the government chose to keep the truth from us. Still, it’s obvious that human beings are not able to deal with their brethren on earth let alone aliens from worlds light years away.

On Halloween October 30, 1938 Orson Welles War of the Worlds was broadcast on radio depicting the H.G. Wells story of an alien invasion.

Since Welles portrayed it as a newscast many listeners were convinced what they were hearing was real and some became terrified and hysterical. Of course, was before Rod Serling and ET.

Odd that fast forward 85 years later and when Congress is briefed about the USA hiding alien ships and their little green men, who are probably robots, the world barely took notice.

This can only mean one of two things; either no one believed these experts because no one trusts anything anyone in government says anymore or perhaps the world simply yawned and said, “What else is new? Pass the Reese’s Pieces, please.”

I’m not quite certain which is scarier, the fact that Washington has zero credibility or that humans are so jaded even testimony that verifies alien visitors is ho hummed.

By the way, I’m not recanting my own what-the-hell-is-that encounter moment here out of fear no one will ever read my blog again; and my children will rush me into a nursing home.

Assuming aliens are here I must ask why? If they have been watching us all these years, shouldn’t they be high tailing it out of Dodge?

Honestly anyone who has observed human behavior in the last few years has to be convinced there is something off here in the gray cell department.

So why would the Greys want to be here on earth with a bunch of crazies?

Is it as someone has laughingly opined, they are here to make sure we can’t get off this planet and do damage somewhere else?

Let’s face it, humans are a scary bunch.

I can’t even count the ways I shake my head constantly at the insanity I witness from what now passes as civilized members of the species. Believing in little grey or green or whatever color men is the least of our worries on Planet Earth.

I am certain that the creatures are far advanced than us by virtue of the fact they have traveled light years to get here. And although those who deny the existence of life on other planets are incredibly egocentric thinking that out of billions of stars we were somehow chosen to be “The One,” facing our own vulnerability is indeed frightening. Yet one wonders if the Greys have ever watched The Avengers movies and that has helped keep them at bay. A few of the people at the theatre for End Game didn’t look so human to me.

If it’s all true than we’ve had company for many years who’ve chosen to remain on the down low.

I can however happily report this visitation confirmation does answer many questions with which I’ve wrestled.

Like the success of the Kardashians, where were they actually born?

Kanye West, so that’s what it is.

Gavin Newsom’s hair.

Madonna’s new face. Or is it really her…?

Prince Harry wanting to interview the Pope about fatherhood. Aha, now it all makes sense.

Donald Trump’s approval numbers and Joe Biden’s actual visits to another planet in the middle of his sentences.

I’m beginning to see more clearly now so I suppose it’s true that as Shakespeare writes in Julius Caesar “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our starsbut in ourselves, that we are underlings.” 

Or actually perhaps from somewhere among the stars.

Hey, what the hell is that spaceship doing on Rodeo Drive? Maybe they’re actually mystery shoppers. Wait, you can’t park there!

How to Lose Your Mind: Just Watch the News



  Hot Off The Can You Believe This One News Service               

If Baby Boomers think the world has gone crazy I’m guessing there’s a good reason. The news today is so out there I found it difficult to top the actual regular occurrences one sees in and on the news nowadays.

But I tried so if I’m not that far off from reality it’s because my imagination isn’t even as crazy as our planet anymore. And that’s really saying something!

After watching the news today and learning that Budweiser Beer is now being marketed by a transwoman, I just knew it would be impossible to top that one.

Have the heads of Budweiser been drinking beer laced with LSD? Hello, who do the fools there think is drinking that swill?  Guess what, it’s working guys who watch football, construction workers who yell “hey chicky chicky” to passing women and WWE fans, that’s who. Not the Ru Paul’s Drag Race crowd. And yes I do love that show.

I believe the news also reported guys were pouring their Buds down the toilets and shooting guns at cans of beer. You know they must be mad when they waste a brew. This isn’t about transgender or woke folks; it’s about knowing your customer. Somebody hired the wrong marketing person and it’s going to be wild when Budweiser wakes up and sees the money they’ve lost, and sadly their shareholders as well.

If Budweiser ‘s competition is smart they’ll drag Clint Eastwood out of retirement to hawk their brew. Too bad they can’t dig up John Wayne.

Aside from corporate blunders and shall I even mention the new Coke debacle, I began thinking about all the crazy things you hear on the news and how people must react to them and I tried to top what I heard with my own breaking newswire.

It wasn’t easy, but I love a challenge.

Here’s a breaking news story from the Norma Zager news of the insane news service…

Cows Ask: Where is the Real Stench Coming From?

Elsie and Elmer Borden, America’s spokes cows gave an exclusive interview today in Dairyland Magazine and stated their profound shock at the new Green Deal proposal.

“Mitigate my farts and burps,” Elmer cried. “I have been flatulating and burping in these fields for fifty years and no one is going to tell me when I can pass gas. This is a free country and gas mitigation is outlawed in our constitution.

Wife Elsie was less adamant the controversial proposal would be unwelcome.

“It might be nice to smell some fresh air for a change,” she said. “I just wish Elmer could see his way to mitigate on a voluntary basis. I am not in favor of passing laws to govern bodily functions.”

The Cows Against Insanity or CAI released a statement in reaction to the proposal. “We have always believed a cow’s bodily functions are their own business and cannot abide this new initiative. We will take it to the Supreme Court if we must to protect the integrity of a cow’s right to expel their methane.”

Members of CAI organized a stink in on the grounds of the state’s largest dairy farm, but cameramen had trouble getting close enough to photograph or interview anyone because of the noxious odor and methane gases.

A CAI spokesman in a gas mask read a prepared statement vowing to never back down or allow cows to get backed up from such a legislative effort and said they have already raised enough to battle this in court for years.

The ninth circuit court in California heard an urgent flatulence ban request from the Green Movement seeking an immediate injunction against the cows and CAI. The court issued a decision against gas emitting rights stating, “Cow flatulence is not a right noted in the U.S. constitution and the good of the Green Movement trumps a cow’s colon expulsions.”

CAI immediately issued an appeal and threatened a strike against McDonalds, Burger King and White Castle.

Cluck USA, the chicken’s union has offered to march in support of the cows and will begin with a sit-in in front of all the Chick-Fil-A restaurants in Manhattan.

“What’s next?” Chicken Little president of Cluck USA asked. “Telling us when we can lay or not lay? We have to stop this oppression now.” She also called on other farm animal groups to join in the strike.

However, Turkey Lurkey III was hesitant to enlist the turkey union’s support.

“We have tried in vain to get CAI and Cluck USA to march with us before Thanksgiving to stop turkey oppression, now the fart is on the other foot. We cannot in good conscience ask our members to support their cause.”

Chicken Little called Turkey Lurkey a crybaby claiming chickens are on the menu every day of the year.

“Too bad for turkeys who find themselves in hot gravy once a year. This is bigger than our petty differences. This goes to the heart of an animal’s right to pass gas, to burp and to live as they wish and be responsible for their own digestive systems. We are taking this very seriously and no plucking way will we back down.”

Numerous sit-ins and gas-ins are planned over the next few weeks as an appeal is filed with the Supreme Court.

McDonalds and Burger King could not be reached for comment, but a Chick-Fil-A spokesman issued a short statement of support.

“All God’s creatures have rights and a cow’s expulsions are no one else’s business. A cow’s flatulence is between him and his God.”

Elmer the Cow was more heated in his response. “I dare the members of Congress that concocted this craziness to come down here themselves and actually smell how much this proposal stinks. Our gasses can’t compare with the stench coming from Congress, and I say, deodorize your own house first, lawmakers. Americans have endured the stink from your bull crap for far too many years.”

Congress was unavailable for comment while their offices were being fumigated from their own noxious stenches.

Another breaking news story from Norma’s can you believe this one newswire…

President Joe Biden to miss King Charles III Coronation.

Joe Biden will sit out the King of England’s coronation choosing instead to attend the opening of a new 31 Flavors ice cream shop in the nation’s capital. Biden who has been asked to throw out the first scoop explained his decision to a passing child.

“Hey Man, nothing comes between me and my Calvins or is that chocolate chips. Jill where’s Jill? Which way is the ice cream?”

Buckingham Palace could not be reached for comment.

        And finally hot off the presses this week…

Angry Baby Boomers March on Washington

Baby Boomers marched on Washington this week sporting Dick Clark masks chanting, “Give us back our country and our sanity.” Speakers called for an end to social influencers, Cancel Culture and Gluten-free bread while others burned their Spanx in front of the capital building.

The march was in response to a Baby Boomer at the DMV responding to the question of her sex with a resounding, I’m a woman. She was pounced upon by an angry crowd who shouted insults and called her binary phobic.

Recent studies have shown that anger levels of Baby Boomers about the country’s craziness are climbing to dangerous levels and one man was dragged away screaming, “I don’t want to be woke, I’m retired and can sleep in now. I never had to lock my door; who ever knew from it? Clarabelle for President! If Elmer the Cow can’t even fart now they’ll for sure put smelly old Uncle Sol in jail.”

Marchers wore t-shirts emblazoned with the slogan, “Old Farts Lives Matter” and Bob Dylan led the crowd in a heartfelt rendition of The Times they are a-Changin’.

Protesters carried signs reading, “Give us back our Howdy Doody,” and played Elvis Presley and Motown music over a loud speaker.

The group spokesman said a bigger turnout was planned, but many couldn’t remember the location. He said another rally is planned for next week, if they don’t forget.

Snoozles

Two sheets of puff pastry

3 ½ cups mashed potatoes

1 ½ cups peas fresh or frozen

2-cups ground beef

Sauté beef and season with salt and pepper.

Add peas and beef to mashed potatoes

Spread evenly on puff pastry sheets

Roll sheet over fully once seal it and cut slices. Then roll over again and cut and repeat until all cut.

Place in well-buttered muffin tins and brush with egg wash.

Bake at 375 for 25 to 30 minutes until puff pastry is cooked or according to puff pastry box instructions and your oven. It makes a lot of snoozles.