Virtually Speaking

I don’t know about all of you, but I can say with certainty that I am exhausted from fighting with my body. So instead of battling against Father Time, I’ve found a way to live my life and enjoy the things I can no longer do. A new world has provided the tools for opportunities to travel without leaving the sofa, garden without scooping up a bit of dirt or fighting those ugly tomato worms.

I play golf, have a huge home and don’t have to clean the toilets.

I can do so many things I thought were now lost to me.

And all I have to do is enter the virtual world.

There is so much talk today about kids being on their computers too much. I concur. Fresh air, and of course I must add that none of that is available in Los Angeles, and sunshine, that you can actually get here, are still vital for good health.

But for an old broad who still loves to garden, play a lousy game of golf and enjoy the comforts of a spacious home without the responsibility that comes along with owning one, there is a virtual world. It affords me all the possibilities I thought were lost long ago.

There are of course many ways to enter this world.

One that is really amazing is VR or Oculus Rift, invented by a genius named Palmer Luckey. A tech wunderkind that figured out a way to simply put on a mask and enter a whole new realm of reality.

On VR I am able to play golf, solve mysteries like Sherlock Holmes and enter worlds so real, and even scary, I am still in awe of the technology.

I play golf with my grandsons or fight Darth Vader. And yes, he is just as scary in the virtual world.

I can enter ancient worlds and go on a scavenger hunt. Or golf through Atlantis and wonder at a world that exists now I never thought I’d ever experience.

It all seems so real and vibrant and best of all you can fly through these worlds as though you had wings.

No airplane necessary just float around and hover over these amazing sights.

As a child these wonders were what science fiction movies were made of and now, well they’re actually here.

Was it worth the wait? You bet.

I have also discovered the world of online gaming, no not gambling. Roblox. Like an online Atari.

There are hundreds of games to play and all of the technology is truly stunning.

The best part is playing these games with my grandsons.

One game called Grow a Garden is one we all play. You can plant your own garden with vegetables and flowers. Design the landscape and enjoy contests.

We play it all the time and my daughter who thought we were all silly, is now as into it as we are. Hilariously so are many of her friends as well. Adults, kids just a fun way to be creative and grow a beautiful garden. It’s a great way to spend time together when we’re apart and be able to share fun experiences.

By now you probably think I’ve truly lost it, but some of the games on Roblox are also educational.

Adopt Me teaches kids to own and care for a pet.

Of course there are others like Steal a Brainrot that well, I just don’t know.

But it’s all in fun.

There are even Squid Games and cooking contests.

If it all sounds crazy, well perhaps it is.

But I must admit I love being able to do so many things with my grandsons that don’t involve battling with Light Sabers or bouncing on the trampoline.

I even have a Tik Tok account with a hundred and fifty-five thousand followers as The Roblox Grammy. The kids, and there are millions, love watching this old broad play Murder Mystery or design clothes for a fashion show. Or any one of so many other things we can do.

With travel so different today, and not in a good way, I can enjoy Italy on VR. I don’t have to wait in TSA lines, worry about delays or barely missing another plane miles over the earth.

I can kick off my shoes, fluff the couch pillows and climb Machu Pichu without having to stop and catch my breath.

Is seeing the Mona Lisa or Eiffel Tower the same online as up close and personal? Of course not. Sure, I wish I could still do so many things now that I once never thought twice about.

Still, if one is going to grow old at least there is a way to travel and check stuff off your bucket list without missing a beat. And is this really any different from rushing home from school and planting ourselves in front of the TV to watch Howdy Doody?

Is it fun to travel through outer space without a rocket? Yep. Would NASA let me anyway at this age? I’m pretty sure I couldn’t pass the endurance test anymore. Besides space capsules feel so claustrophobic.

Okay so we never got the Jetpacks, or the hoverboards, or Beep Beep Rosie, but taking advantage of a new reality once in a while is a fun way to leap into the future. And in our present world that’s a gift.

Well, I’d love to stay and chat but I have a golf game with my grandson. Scottie Scheffler look out. You’ve got some stiff virtual competition from this old broad.

Virtual Reality is Virtually All We Were Promised

There is an alternate universe now and I don’t mean on another planet. I have discovered virtual reality and I can’t even say enough good things about this world.

Baby Boomers at various times were promised certain amazing inventions awaiting us in the future.

Hover boards, Jet Packs, Beep Beep Rosie, and virtual reality were all wonders we could look forward to experiencing in our futures.

Somehow Beep Beep Rosie fell short when a little round thing that kept bumping into walls and held a teaspoon full of dirt appeared. Sorry, Rosie, but I’m still waiting.

Hover boards, well if they exist, I haven’t seen one and neither have most. And, of course at this age I’d probably fall off and break my hip anyway. So I guess the hover board thing is a non-starter now.

Jet packs, boy that’s a disappointment. That was the one I was super excited about. Can you imagine not having to fight traffic and just be able to hop into the sky like a bird and fly to the mall. Sign me up!

I suppose I have been rather let down by the technology that I expected and never showed up as promised.

Now artificial intelligence seems to be more of a threat than a promise, I feel like I’d like to register a complaint with my local high-tech geniuses. Excuse me, can you swear this thing won’t take over my life and do evil?

Somehow I’m thinking that would be a big no.

Don’t even get me started with the whole killer robot thing.

So what can please you, you ask as I complain?

I’m here to tell you I am a huge fan of virtual reality.

It’s even spread to gaming of which I am also a devotee and greatly enjoy.

I’ll begin with Roblox an online Atari or Nintendo that has more games than anyone can play. Within those games are many that allow you to create your own world. Homes and cities and anything within your own imagination. What a trip? Such fun to enter your own world after you’ve created it to your own specifications.

Still, I must admit above all I am a huge fan of virtual reality.

If you’ve never tried it, it’s a trip into any world you seek to visit.

You can travel to distant lands without leaving your home. See the wonders of the world close up and personal without hiking up mountains. Even climb Mt. Everest without breaking a sweat. The vistas and beauty is all there and you can enjoy each moment at your leisure.

Once you put the mask on your eyes you enter worlds beyond your expectations and see things you cannot ever see on this earth.

One game I play is a mini golf game with different courses including Atlantis, The Gardens of Babylon and even a trip to Venice, Italy.

The ability of the designers of these worlds to leave you breathless is incredible. You’re certain you’ve entered the past, a planet, a new galaxy or universes never imagined in a lifetime.

You find yourself lost in places so beautiful and serene you don’t want to leave. You can be underwater one moment and in outer space the next. This technology truly lives up to the hype. However, not everyone is so keen to travel through these methods. It is a bit freaky leaving the earth and I’m sure many resist the whole experience.

I however choose to embrace every moment and feel quite content sitting underwater in Atlantis and watching giant sea turtles swim by. Or gazing at the hanging gardens of Babylon with all its magnificent color and spectacle.

Then begs the questions is this virtual world a place to merely escape to or can it be just as real as the one in which we are living.

How easy is it to trade the insanity of our present times for the serenity and beauty of worlds we merely have to don a mask to enter.

No news filled with horrible stories. No awareness of all the hatred and evil around us. Just pure beauty and contentment as we sightsee in a virtual universe designed to take us on a great adventure.

Now of course I’m not inferring it is merely all perfect in this virtual reality. There are games so real you actually gasp when Darth Vader appears and draws his light saber to attack. Outer space is so dark and foreboding you are constantly afraid you’ll fall off the edge of the galaxy.

Yet the ability to fly and move about freely without even a jetpack is quite enticing.

Albeit it can throw you off balance at times if you soar too high.

All I know is I can golf like Arnold Palmer, fly like a bird and climb Machu Pichu without aching feet reveling in all these experiences.

So many of the great innovations in these times seem to be enjoyed and embraced by younger generations. Yet we dreamed of these inventions and because we created them in our minds, they actually came into existence.

Why should we not be able to avail ourselves of their wonders?

So you can’t golf one day because your arthritis is acting up. Don a VR mask and compete with the pros.

Had to postpone that trip to Italy? Ride the canals of Venice in a gondola and just soak in the scenery. Couldn’t afford the passage on that Virgin Galactic flight to the edge of the universe? No problem you can explore outer space in your pajamas.

Oh sure it isn’t the real thing of course, but when it’s a substitute you can enjoy, hey why not?

We’ve always escaped to the movies, into books and many other ways for years to create our own reality, this is merely another way to achieve that peaceful state.

Have fun touring Europe today, I’ll be playing golf on a galaxy far far away. Happy virtual reality, everyone. You dreamed it and you deserve to enjoy its wonders.

I’m Speechless So I Guess Hell Froze Over

spinahricottaballs

I’m Speechless So I Guess Hell Froze Over

For those who know me and would never have fathomed I’d ever run out of things to say, I must announce that the day is finally here. Hell froze over and I’m speechless, dumbfounded and can’t even think of anything to write about.

This of course is no surprise because in order to find new and interesting things to say you need to live your life out in the world. Since that is something I can’t do right now thanks to COVID, what is new and exciting to report?

The world is an interesting place when you’re in it, but since we’re forbidden from venturing forth into the outside climes, well I have to admit it’s a bit boring.

Sure I could watch television and moan about the people going out sans mask, partying and spreading the virus to innocent people. Freedom schmeedom, because we’re free can we explode a bomb in a crowded theater? I think not.

Or perhaps I could bitch about the fact that the geniuses that run the states and cities are letting criminals out of jail so they can go on killing, raping and committing crimes in a safer environment. Should I sleep better at night knowing that someone who raped ten women is not in danger of catching the virus?

Maybe we can talk about the fact my hair looks awful, my nails are non-existent and my roots are growing faster than a politician’s lies.

We could talk about these things I suppose, but why? Life is depressing enough right now.

I’m well aware sitting home, watching television and eating isn’t a hardship, although most men would be far happier if their television schedule included sports. Sorry about that, guys. There are worse things than staying at home, sitting on the patio reading a book, feeding the squirrels and zooming with your grandchildren all day.

Yet, I’m afraid these activities don’t really make for very interesting conversation.

How many times can you ask a friend, “So what did you eat for lunch?” I sound like my father who felt monitoring his children’s caloric intake was akin to brushing your teeth each day.

I imagine one could ask, “So what did you buy online today?” Yet truly having Amazon deliver a box of Softsoap isn’t the most sparkling topic.

Besides who needs to shop when were all in our pajamas and sweats?

Okay, so here’s the deal…I’m making up a pretend life. After all I’m a writer and should have a vivid imagination so now’s my time to prove it. I’m going to tell you about the week I wish I’d had, but couldn’t because I can’t leave the damn house!

So in my imagination I’m in Roma. Italy, not Ohio. I didn’t need a plane to fly there because I took a magic carpet that I borrowed from a friend down the street who just returned from her pretend trip to Istanbul. Maybe I’ll fly there next week, no masks and lots of empty seats beside me on the rug.

Anyway we’re back in Rome and I’m walking toward the Spanish Steps. Boy, those are high and my feet are already complaining. I decide to sit for a moment observing all the thousands of people walking about in the square hurrying toward their next destination or favorite outdoor café for the world’s most delicious pasta.

Ahead of me is the Via del Corso, the premiere shopping area in Rome and women rush about carrying bags labeled Fendi, Gucci and Dior as their heels clackity clack on the cobblestone streets.

In the distance are the hills of Rome; magical and legendary like a painting by an old master.

Two kids walk by eating cones with gelato dripping down the sides, their mother wiping their hands as they struggle to keep licking their precious treat.

Four young men are standing at the base of the steps speaking Italian, smoking, laughing and checking out women as they pass. Italian men, gotta love ‘em. Some women pretend not to notice, but smile as they walk past flattered to be noticed and admired. I think how nice it would be to be young again as I pull out my phone and check Vatican tour times.

I grab a cab and head to St. Peter’s Basilica to see the impressive statue of St. Peter, his feet shiny and worn from all the pilgrims who’ve rubbed them in a desperate attempt to garner his blessings and help.

I stare up at the magnificent dome created by Michelangelo and I’m stunned by the way it catches the light filling the space with color.

To my left is a small alter containing two confessionals of dark, ancient wood. As I get closer I notice the worn steps at their entrances where so many have entered to ask forgiveness and a blessing.

I’m in line to enter the Sistine Chapel and look around at the unbelievable splendor of St. Peter’s Square filled with tourists, priests, nuns and worshippers from all over the world.

Some obese guy I’m guessing from New Jersey by his accent, in Bermudas and Adidas bumps into me and almost pushes me over as a bird poops on my shoulder. Damn, I just had this pashmina cleaned and I search for a Kleenex in my purse.

Ecstasy returns in the chapel as I’m instantly stunned by the sheer magnificence of the space. My eyes hardly know where to focus first. I sit on a bench and look up confused about what side to stare at and my eyes become glued to Adam and God nearly touching. I sit transfixed until I hear a loud clap accompanied by a loud shush. I return to earth and notice the room is still and wonder what’s happening. I continue to stare and in another twenty minutes the clap and shush once again.

I inquire about this strange incident to a nearby observer and I’m told it’s the Sistine Chapel shusher who regularly claps and shushes to reduce the noise level. I decide to apply for that plum job as soon as I leave and remain staring upward until my aching neck insists it’s had enough of all this magnificence.

I head out to an inviting restaurant in Rome’s ancient, Jewish ghetto to experience another Roman culinary masterpiece. My fat self is praying they have good stuffed squash blossoms as taxis and people whiz by me on the busy streets, overflowing with bougainvillea and the sound of clinking glasses and murmurs of “chin chin.”

I’ve left Rome and now I’m back from my adventure sitting on my couch, typing in my jammies and wondering if there are any of those yummy zucchini chips left over.

I’m wishing to see Rome again someday when all this craziness is only a horrible memory and life returns to whatever it will be. As long as Rome is still there, I’m good.

Happy travels on your own magic carpet, everyone.

Spinach Ricotta Balls

1 package 32 ounces of ricotta cheese.

1 package of spinach fresh or 2 boxes of frozen (if frozen squeezed out well)

Salt

½ cup of Parmesan Reggiano

A pinch of nutmeg

2 eggs

1 tablespoon flour

Spaghetti sauce (optional)

Drain the ricotta cheese in cheesecloth over a bowl until dry

Pour the ricotta into a bowl and add spinach.

Mix two eggs in a separate bowl. Add salt and at this point you may add a dash of your favorite Italian seasoning like basil or oregano to the eggs. This is your choice.

Add eggs to the ricotta and spinach and mix then add flour and mix until just incorporated.

Form into balls

At this point you may do a few things as you choose.

First add the balls to boiling water and cook until done and floating. Then serve them with sauce of your choice. May be tomato or make a sauce of brown butter and sage by melting butter in a pan with fresh sage leaves until the butter turns a golden color and smells nutty.

Second you may cook the balls in tomato sauce in the oven sprinkled with cheese. Enjoy!

Is Quarantine in Italy More Fattening?

I have noticed while perusing Facebook and Instagram that most posts have something to do with food. People who never made anything but reservations are now suddenly future cooking show stars as they prepare new dishes for their families.

I applaud everyone setting out on their new kitchen journey, but for me it does beg the question—is the quarantine food better in Italy or France?

Perhaps I should be asking, why is it all about food?”

Of course there are great chefs and great food in America and I don’t wish to infer anything different, but hey being stuck in a home in Tuscany with an Italian grandma cooking, well come on let’s get real.

Homemade pasta, pizzas, minestrone, cannoli, tiramisu. Just a minute my mouth is watering here.

Okay I’m back.

There is no doubt Italian food is high on the list of everyone’s favorites and to be locked in with fresh pastas cooking daily, oh my. How fat can you get?

Who could say no to all the luscious foods being catered morning till night with a pot of Sunday gravy (sauce) constantly simmering on the stove? Not me.

They would have to roll me out the door at the end of this whole adventure because I would be stuffing food into my mouth non-stop. The only exercise I’m sure I’d get would be walking from the table to the stove or pizza oven to refill my plate.

I don’t mean to sound as though I’m playing favorites so let’s examine being quarantined in France.

Oh boy, chocolate croissants for breakfast, beurre blanc sauces and luscious creamy éclairs with a side of macrons.

The delicate touch of French cooking would not do much to prevent me from packing on the pounds. I would have to get up extra early to ensure I get to the croissants when they first came out of the oven.

I believe it’s almost impossible to be at home for such a length of time and not focus way too much on food. It’s a well-known fact when we’re all busy and productive our appetites take a back seat while boredom leads them into the forefront.

Okay, I just finished the first season of Fauda, what’s for lunch?

Now let me see, I’ll just watch another season of Shitt’s Creek and then have dinner. Wait, what should I have for dinner? Hmmm, let me check the freezer. You stand in front of the freezer watching your Hagen Daz melt as you scan the food and come up empty.

You check the refrigerator to get a feel for what might be appealing and you are left cold, literally with what catches your eye. So you wonder, should I order in? What can I get that I’ve been craving?

You spend another ten minutes trying to figure out what looks good for dinner and since you’re basically still full from lunch, your appetite isn’t really responding as you’d hoped and the signal is a bit hazy.

So you go back to the television and click back onto Netflix and in a few hours you’re starting to feel hungry and your attention shifts back to food.

This has now become a search for the most appealing dinner and you realize what you want for dinner isn’t available in your kitchen so you settle for cereal.

Now if that Italian Grandma had been busy cooking all day you would sit down to a dinner of homemade pasta, delicious meatballs and a tiramisu for dessert.

See? Fattening!

Captivity is not a conducive atmosphere for dieting.

When politicians mention the dangers of being quarantined in your homes, stress, depression, suicide, etc, they don’t mention the biggest danger—FAT!

Yes, this is good for the economy. Let’s face it when we get out again none of our clothes will fit so we’ll need to buy new things to wear. That’s positive for retailers, yet the negative is the extra pounds. Positive is more business for the gyms when they reopen. Negative is diabetes, heart disease, etc.

So there doesn’t seem to be a good answer for everyone here.

As a serious foodaholic being locked in with a refrigerator and access to food delivery to my door is making my fat cells dance for joy. They have been waiting my whole life for instant food on a whim and not even have to get in the car to shop.

I remember how I celebrated pizza delivery. That was the first step on the road to extra calories in an instant. Now whatever you want is available too quickly and too easily. Step number two on that road was elastic-waist pants.

Oh sure, all good news for my fat cells but bad for my diet.

So what can I do, fly to Italy and search Tuscany for my Italian grandmother who died many, many, many years ago?

It’s just me, Amazon, and my better angels screaming at me to stop carbo-loading and suck up the kale. Who will win? So far I’m holding my own, but chocolate is a formidable foe.

Am I glad I’m not in Italy or France? You bet I am. Excuse me I have a pot of sauce simmering on the stove. I remembered I’m part Italian grandma so bye bye cereal and hello minestrone. It ain’t Tuscany, but good pasta is worth its weight in gold anywhere on earth.

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