Tag: Instagram

“Can You Spare a Sheet, Please?…” Julia Louis Dreyfus

Who doesn’t love a good conspiracy? The juicy kind that makes the rounds on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook or Substack. Everyone is weighing in with a fury and writing madly about their take on this new mystery.

I can only imagine what would have happened had we had social media during the Kennedy assassination, MLK or Bobby?

Kennedy’s assassination as painful and excruciating as it already was would have been unbearable. It was already fraught with a cornucopia of theories from which to choose. And yet still to this day do we really truly know who ordered that hit? Not really for certain. Will we ever? Probably not.

It’s like the Hoffa disappearance and the yearly discovery of his remains, or a million other explosive stories that make the rounds constantly. Most just foolish imaginings, some with a grain of truth, but too little evidence to be considered proof.

We all remember the pandemic I believe. Hard to forget actually, although it’s difficult to imagine it was already six and a half years ago.

I actually have a conspiracy theory I haven’t really shared with anyone, but I will go out on a limb here and lay it all out.

Yes, we suspect that Fauci indirectly gave the Chinese money to create a deadly virus in a Wuhan lab. I don’t think anyone was really buying that wet market boloney.

So if that was really part of it, and that’s a big if I admit, it seems pretty likely there was one entity that would profit big time by its creation. Dada! Big Pharma of course. I mean in every crime show they always tell everyone to follow the money. Can you line up for a poke please?

Guess it does seem likely they may have not been all that upset about the whole COVID thing.

But, and here’s a big but, there were also others that profited unimaginably by the pandemic.

Amazon for example. Lauren Sanchez and her plastic surgeon are now reaping the benefits of that windfall. There wasn’t even any living without that daily ring of the bell. And let’s face it we never really broke that habit.

Okay, so what’s my new theory that no one has really explored? Drum roll please! There are four. Yes, that’s right four suspects I am currently checking out with gusto. And they are: Essity, Swedish hygiene and health company that produces tissue lines globally. Kimberly-Clark, the American corporation that produces Scott and Cottonelle and Procter & Gamble that makes Charmin, one of the biggest market shares in consumer paper goods. Let us not forget Georgia-Pacific that turns out Angel Soft and Quilted Northern.

Aha! So now maybe you’re thinking this broad isn’t so crazy. About this anyway.

Let’s face facts, may we? How many people had the shot? Sure, tons. But how long will they continue to have it?

See? Big money maker, but temporary.
I suspect not only is everyone continuing to order TP, but they have had a priority shift about the product as well.

It was like a sense of desperation set in. The constant counting of remaining rolls. When to reorder, how many? Searching for new places to store those giant boxes filled with what became the undeniably most coveted necessity ever.

If a family ran out of potato chips sure there would be complaints and grumbling. Or ice cream, or the basic daily food groups, like chocolate. I imagine there may have been a revolt or two even in the calmest of families.

But could everyone survive without chocolate for a day or two until the next Amazon van pulled up? Well, everyone but me of course. Sure, not life or death for anyone.

But toilet paper. Are you kidding me? Unless you have a bidet, which is something many now have seen the wisdom of possessing and invested in.

I dread to imagine the chaos had there been a shortage. Many of us remember the Seinfeld episode when Elaine tried to borrow a sheet from the stall next to her.

I’m not being crass or trying to be as gross and disgusting as Prince Harry about this subject. I’m simply saying these four companies racked up some pretty significant profits in 2020.

Kimberly Clark up over four billion, Georgia Pacific over six billion, Essity up 11%, Proctor and Gamble up over ten percent just in the U.S. alone.
So our follow the money theory, although it also applies to others like Amazon and Netflix, is not looking so crazy now. I mean Shtisel alone made Netflix that year. Although I must admit I believe Netflix innocently profited from the windfall which continues to this day.

I can’t swear for the toilet paper kings over there. And although I’m not accusing them of anything, I must point out the strange coincidence between being homebound and the worldwide run on toilet tissue.

To this day, I am paranoid about running out. I order twice as much as I used to just in case. Am I the only one still in a toilet paper hoarding PTSD mindset. I don’t think so.

No one ever thought or entertained any fears about a shortage, now many do.

So if Greed is good, Gordon Gecko must be busy trying to create another scary virus to amass and expand his fortunes.

I guess as we grow older, we realize some of those old timey adages we heard as children might actually have a great deal of validity.

So yes, the early bird is still catching the worm, all that glitters isn’t gold and an ounce of prevention is for sure worth a pound of cure, even at today’s prices.

And whodda thunk that the boy scouts would be the philosophers of the ages? Yep, “be prepared” wins the learn-it-the-hard-way lesson now.

Oops gotta go, Amazon is outside delivering a box of Godiva.

Staying Relevant Isn’t Irrelevant Anymore

Staying Relevant Isn’t Irrelevant Anymore

Okay, so I had always believed as you age you gain wisdom. You get smarter and more savvy about the human condition and even stop making silly mistakes.

I am now extremely puzzled because it seems all those conclusions I had previously drawn, were sadly incorrect.

I now find myself in a constant state of puzzlement and confusion.

It turns out I’m not as smart as I’d hoped to become, and now instead I’m more befuddled than ever.

So many things I never thought I’d have to deal with and yet here they are. Mostly, how to stay relevant? I mean as we age it seems our lives change in extraordinary ways.

One day we’re speaking English to our grandchildren and the next they are speaking in tongues. Using words I can’t comprehend and the ones I do sort of recognize have taken on new meanings.

I guess it’s now a compliment among kids to say “you ate.” To them it means you did great or you blew it up. Another concept I always deemed rather negative. Blowing up something didn’t that used to mean buildings or something? And that’s good?

Also, if memory serves me saying, “you ate” would usually imply “wow you are looking bloated. I see you ate.”

Get my drift? Nothing positive there.

But now I’m supposed to be flattered when someone says I “ate.” It’s definitely a strange new world.

They say learning a new language is good for the brain at our age. Maybe learning teen speak will turn out to be a positive after all.

So besides understanding what your grandchildren are talking about how else can we stay relevant.

I have recently learned to play chess with my grandsons. Not too easy when you are trying to fight off a Queen with a King with arthritis and your brain screaming, “Hey take it easy I’m not as sharp as I used to be!”

Where I once watched cooking segments on You Tube my grandsons and I now watch a group of guys doing difficult sports shots and contests called Dude Perfect. They are super funny, but I never expected to be watching guys who throw balls out of an airplane trying to land on some target.

There is also someone called Mr. Beast on You Tube. I hear he’s richer than Rockefeller from blowing up Ferraris. Okay, I don’t get that one at all.

Trying to fight back I coerced my grandson into watching golf with me. I felt I had won one for the Gipper.

Of course I know that language and phrases change with each generation, but I don’t remember having to provide a translation book for my grandparents. From what I recall we pretty much spoke the same language and they were from Europe!

Or perhaps they didn’t understand what I was saying, but were hard of hearing so it didn’t matter anyway. Whatever the reason it just seems trying to stay part of the world today is a difficult task. Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, streaming channels? Who am I, Tesla?

I adamantly believe it is social changes that do make it somewhat easier to remain relevant today.

After all, few women worked outside the home. Ultimately, they went from housewife to grandmother to caregiver.

Now many women stay productive and active well into their seventies and eighties, some even nineties.

Men still play golf and play with their grandchildren. Although many now have found pickleball to be a viable alternative or addition to their activities.

Grandmas, if they are blessed with good health teach cooking classes. And believe it or not many men have discovered the fun of culinary endeavors. Seniors join wine clubs and even travel to Europe on wine excursions. All I ever knew about wine was it was sweet and syrupy and we had it on Friday nights and holidays.

My mother hit the beauty parlor once a week for her manicure and hairdo and drove to my house daily to ensure I was taking proper care of her grandchildren.

That was pretty much her schedule until she rediscovered Maj Jong.

My father went to my brother’s business every day, and tried to understand and comprehend the complexities of the new world and heights to which my brother had lifted his former business. Not always easy for the two of them as they were speaking a different language as well.

Yet my father tried to be a valuable sounding board and help my brother any way he could.

This was his way of staying relevant.

For me it’s always been super important to be busy and discovering new adventures and challenges.

One of the most difficult acknowledgements in this process is accepting the fact that you may now be faced with certain limitations. If not mental than certainly physical.

Despite some who age amazingly well, many others face limitations. They are faced with the inescapable fact that they will never be able to run a marathon, walk for miles, even stay up past midnight without a nap.

The spirit as they say may be quite willing, but the body can fight you like you’re going ten rounds with Tyson.

I envy my friends who play pickleball or have the stamina to play eighteen holes of golf. Even those able to stand in the kitchen all day prepping and cooking without the help of Motrin.

So, I choose to engage in less physical activities.

I have now embraced TikTok, and with the help and support of my grandsons have secured over 101,000 followers playing something called Roblox, which is pretty much an online XBox or Atari.

Yes, I am a nerd and now I wear it proudly. On Roblox and Tik Tok I am exploring new frontiers and spending more quality time with my boys.

I’d love to be like Iris Apfel who died at 102 as an active and reigning fashion icon. Or William Shatner still actively seeking new worlds.

I really believe everyone has to define their own way to stay relevant. Still, I’m certain if one searches, they will find some fun and unexpected new adventures await them, whatever their age.