Tag: heaven

Can You Cut the Line at the Pearly Gates?

Many religions include after death scenarios in their tenets. I’d think if one got to the pearly gates and there were lines with signs, most people today would definitely head for the enter heaven line.

I mean let’s just say there were big screen televisions at the gates portraying scenes of earth. While waiting in line you were watching what’s going on below as you pondered where you might want to spend the next portion of your soul’s existence.

At first you may be adamant you want to return to earth.

It may sound appealing, especially if you’ve been a good person and you’re moving up the ladder.

Sort of like spending your life caring for the sick and then you learn because of your good deeds on earth you have the option of returning looking like Heidi Klum with a metabolism faster than Mario Andretti.

Some believe it’s a choice to come back or move on to whatever is available for souls.

Of course this got me to thinking about whether or not most people today would return, or stay the heck away from all this craziness.

I can’t say for certain what happens or where we go after we have shuffled off this mortal coil as the Bard so eloquently wrote, but I’d have to believe the state of earth would impact anyone’s decision.  

But is this actually the reason for current world problems?

Can you blame spirits for not wanting to return and is that a factor in the insanity we are dealing with?

If good people are all in the line that says heaven to your right and Hamas is in the line that says, return to earth to keep trying to be a human, maybe that’s an issue here.

After all terrorists aren’t known for allowing positive information into their brains. If that’s the case evil terrorists may have to keep being reborn to learn their lessons and stop repeating horrific behavior.

So if all the good people are in the line that says Heavenly condos this way, beachfront or city views form a line here, and all the evil souls are shoved over to the no-way- you’ve-got-a-long-way-to-go line, what does that say about the element that’s returning to earth? One might even assume it’s a valid explanation for why every way we turn today we see some pretty scary stuff.

I mean when you have to lock up toothpaste that’s pretty sad.

Excuse me, could someone unlock the Colgate please? And while they’re at it could they also grab me a Revlon eyeliner?

I guess unless you have the entire day to wait around the drug store, securing a Snickers bar would be out of the question.

So if I’m in line and have my choice of a condo overlooking the Adriatic sea, being able to eat anything I want and not gain weight and have a chocolate fountain running 24 hours a day. Or returning to a crime ridden insane asylum with palm trees like California, mouthwash locked up, smash and grabs and politicians who have lower IQs than the temperature in Buffalo, New York in the middle of January, how long do you think I’d have to ponder that one?

And that could be the problem in a nutshell, excuse the pun. If good people are opting for heaven and all the crazies and evildoers have to come back and keep repeating life until they get it right, how can we expect any balance on earth?

Oh sure there are still beautiful places here, but if we do come back we don’t know we did anyway so no wonder the line for chilling in heaven is getting larger every day.

Especially if you know the people you love will only be a few doors away and you can sleep at night without an alarm, isn’t the choice rather obvious?

I’m not sure that anyone is up at the gates doing a head count, but I’m willing to bet if they did, they would see the numbers are rising for those who opt for heaven. Therefore, the amount of undesirables who are dropping back to earth are higher than the number of pounds Hollywood is shedding on Ozempic.

Aging highlights the ironies of life. As we get older we see things far more clearly, especially after cataract surgery.

That is a sad state of affairs because at a time when one feels entitled to peace and harmony after a lifetime of challenges and struggles, we are faced with a heightened awareness of the grasp evil has taken on the world.

As a Baby Boomer, and how sad when that term is retired, most of us now embrace tranquility and seek the goodness in human nature. Yet most of my friends admit they can no longer even watch the news.

In a world where experience should have exposed lines never to be crossed, people are stepping further and further over them each day. Where optimism is becoming as scarce as a politician who can’t even spell morality yet alone exhibit any. Where the desire for peace has become as elusive as salespeople in retail stores why choose this chaos over blissful peace?

It’s no wonder those lines in heaven are filling up with hoards of souls saying, “No thanks I did my time on planet earth and please make sure my condo has no phone or Internet. Ignorance is a great reward after a lifetime of awareness.”   

Having the Sense to Choose a Sense of Humor

          

Seems like we all need to laugh more these days. I feel lucky I am able to see the crazy side of life. It’s definitely coming in handy more now.  Perhaps it is a choice, or…

I’ve made many mistakes in my life. Lots of bad calls, bad falls and bad choices. Sometimes, all at the same time. But when I was in heaven pre-birth picking out stuff I made one good choice, I asked the angel in charge of supplies about the sense of humor. It wasn’t on the sale rack, but I was willing to go the extra mile.

“Okay,” he said, “but that’s a big one, you have to trade in a few of the things you’ve already chosen.”

“Okay, what do I have to give back?

“I’ll need that perfect nose and oh, sorry you won’t be able to keep the all you can eat and not gain weight metabolism.”

“That’s a little harsh isn’t it?”

“No way, a sense of humor is a biggie and worth a lot. Oh, and sorry I need those blue eyes back.”

I grudgingly agreed.

“Just checking your list here and see you took your father’s height. Sorry”

“Wait, you mean I have to do the short and slow metabolism thing of my mother?”

“Yep.”

“I’m not sure a sense of humor is worth all this good stuff. I might have to rethink this one.”

“Well it is a choice you know. If you get all the stuff to make you gorgeous and thin, you really don’t need a sense of humor. You will however need it for the short, dumpy, big nosed and slow metabolism you.”

“Uh huh,” I said. “So you mean a sense of humor is really worth all this?”

“More than gold.”

“I don’t understand. Why do I have to give everything back?”

“Because having a great sense of humor will mean so much to you.”

“Doesn’t it mean the same to everyone?”

“Nope, it depends on your life. I see how much you’ll need it, whereas some others won’t as much.”

“Doesn’t everyone need a sense of humor?”
“Of course to a certain extent, but some need a small quantity to get through life, you will need copious amounts.”

“Great, that’s comforting.”

“Hey I’m only telling it like it is. Listen, I don’t want to be doom and gloom here so I’ll tell you what, I’ll let you keep your personality. It’s a high end one and it will help you overcome living without the other stuff.”

“You’re all heart. But I’m reconsidering. I mean why do I need such a Cadillac sense of humor?”

“It’s how you’ll overcome the challenges life throws your way.”

“Can’t I just duck and avoid them?”

The angel smiled. “I forgot you haven’t met your mother yet. No the sense of humor you have will be your savior in your life. Trust me on this one.”

“Can I share it with the world?”

“Yes, you could create comedy.”

“What’s comedy?”

“It’s something you do in show business.”

“So I will be in this show business with my sense of humor”

“Yes, and that’s where you’ll need it most.”

“So I need a sense of humor to share my sense of humor in this show business thing?”

“Desperately.”

“Does everyone in show business have a sense of humor?”

“No, that’s why you need to have one.”

“I understand.”

“No you don’t, but you will when you see show business up close.”

“Can I pass my sense of humor onto my children and grandchildren?”

“Absolutely, it’s yours to do whatever you want with now.”

“Well at least it makes me feel better that I paid a high price and got the better model. My kids will benefit as well.”

“What exactly does this sense of humor do for me?”

“Allows you to laugh.”

“Can’t everyone laugh?”

“Sadly, no.”

“What does this laughing thing do?”

“Extends your life. Helps you embrace joy.”

“What’s joy?”

“Joy is a feeling of happiness and contentment that transcends.”

“So that’s a good thing right?”

“That’s the best. It also helps you leap over the pits of despair and heartache.”

“Are there a lot of those around?”

“Many I’m afraid. They are parts of the human condition in copious supply. Humor thwarts the damage they can do.”

“What else can it do?”

“It brings you a sense of euphoria.”

“How does that feel?”

“It’s when your brain releases these little things called endorphins that make you feel sublimely happy.”

“I want to feel happy, right?”

“Right.”

“It sounds like this humor thing is the best thing you can have.”

“It is one of the best.”

“Did I get to keep any other good stuff?”

“Well humor usually goes hand in hand with a big heart. So you have that going for you as well.”

“So that’s a good thing right?”

“Yes and no.”

“Why no?”

“Because caring about others can be painful at times. That’s sort of a double edged sword I’m afraid.”

“Like humor, huh?”

“No, humor has no double edge. It’s the one thing that is completely good. It let’s you see the funny side of life even when life is sad and cruel. It opens you up to a way of thinking that you could never understand unless it’s a part of you. It brings only good into your life and the lives of those around you.”

“Sounds to me like it beats out skinny and blue eyes any day.”

The angel laughed. “You can easily survive in life without those things, but without a sense of humor you’d be lost.”

“Thanks for turning me onto it. I’m really glad I chose humor and laughter.”

“It’s the best choice you’ll ever make because it will make all the bad choices bearable. So enjoy!”

“Hey who’s that guy over there with the bright red head of hair?”

“That’s Carrot Top.”

“Did he choose humor and to be funny too?”

The angel shook his head. “That’s a matter of opinion, but that’s a discussion for another day.”

How about a cookie recipe to cheer you all up.

Lemon Drop Cookies

1 and ¾ cup all-purpose flour (spooned & leveled)

½ teaspoon baking soda

¼ teaspoon salt

½ cup unsalted butter, softened

¾ cup granulated sugar

1 large egg, room temperature preferred

Zest of one lemon (about 1 tablespoon lemon zest)

1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

1 teaspoon lemon extract

2 cups of white chocolate melting discs work best

1 cup of lemon drops crushed

 

In a large mixing bowl, mix together the flour, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, or a large mixing bowl using a hand-held mixer, beat the butter and granulated sugar until light and fluffy. Add in the egg and mix until well combined. Add in the lemon zest, lemon juice, lemon extract, and mix well, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.

Slowly add in the dry ingredients and mix until just combined

Cover tightly and transfer to the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes to chill the cookie dough.

Preheat oven to 350°F. Line two large baking sheets with parchment paper or silicone baking mats.

Remove the cookie dough from the refrigerator and scoop out two tablespoon sized pieces of cookie dough onto the prepared baking sheets. I prefer to roll the dough into balls and then gently press them down a little.

Bake in batches at 350°F for 10-12 minutes. The cookies should look done on the outside, but still a little soft on the inside. Remove from the oven and cool on the baking sheet for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to finish cooling.

Melt white chocolate and spread a coating of melted white chocolate on cookie

Sprinkle with crushed lemon drops let harden before serving.