Tag: Godiva

How Chocolate Will Keep You From Aging Revealed

Sorry, that headline is a lie. Chocolate won’t keep you young, but it will keep you happy. Since the word old is often used in a negative sense, implying ancient, outdated and decrepit, we all need some happy.  

I’m starting to think someone should add my name to that definition list.

It’s just of late I’ve started to really feel my age.

True, there is the possibility that I’ve previously used rationalizations like I didn’t sleep enough last night or the weather is making me so tired etc. etc. But I have come to accept that excuses simply don’t cut the mustard. And by the way what does that expression mean anyway? I can’t imagine how old and stale someone’s mustard must have been to need to cut it before serving. But I digress, also probably a part of getting old.

Thankfully I believe my mind is still a teenager, but my body seems to be channeling Methuselah in his later years.

So what can anyone do to postpone old age?

Is there any way to regain strength and vitality?

If, as some claim food plays a part in the aging process, is it time to forego the snacks I’ve eaten and enjoyed my entire life?

I shall begin with chocolate. If I give up sugar will I feel younger, or will it just seem like the days are longer without that Cadbury egg?

Does diet really change the dynamic of aging? I have no idea so I checked into it and I will save you the trouble of having to google all that crap.

According to Cleveland Clinic these are some of the side effects of sugar; weight gain, acne breakouts, reaching for multiple snacks, mood swings and irritability, lack of energy, craving more sugar and tossing and turning and tossing at night.

After checking out the list I have to say that at my age acne is not enough to make me consider giving up Godiva. If you want me to give up mother’s milk you have to do better than that.

Okay, so I continued and it says reaching for multiple snacks. But it doesn’t say that the snacks you are reaching for are necessarily Cheetos. What if you’re reaching for an apple? So that would be a good thing, right?

Weight gain? Oh Boo Hoo. I’ll never wear a bikini again? That possibility ended when I discovered that there wasn’t a strap strong enough to hold up my breasts.

Besides I haven’t worn a bikini since 1971.

Okay, I’m still waiting for that magic bullet that will scare me off the sacred cocoa bean.

Hmmm, mood swings and irritability.

I thought that occurs because I can’t remember why I walk into the bedroom to find something and can no longer remember what it is. Or because it now takes ten minutes to straighten up after sitting in a chair.

Sure there is irritability when I look into the mirror and see my mother’s wrinkled face staring back at me. Who the heck wouldn’t be irritable, so stop blaming it on chocolate.

It also says that if you consume sugar, you crave even more. Let’s see. Allow me to do the math. You have a package of Oreos with three sleeves of cookies and you eat one whole sleeve. What are the odds you will wake up the next day and want another sleeve?

I’d bet my last farthing it’s one million to one I’m downing that other sleeve for breakfast with a cold glass of milk as a healthy side.

And now we get to the big one. Loss of energy. Funny I always thought sugar gave you energy. Yes, I know the comedown from a sugar high can be pretty brutal. Still  after I’ve come down it’s time for my afternoon nap, so it works out great. At least I had some yummy chocolate while I was awake.

So far I’m not convinced food is the answer and we can blame sugar for all those things.

According to one expert, and aren’t they all, genetic factors and lifestyle choices, such as smoking, diet and alcohol consumption, can also impact aging. However, the expert said bad sleep is the biggest impetus to faster aging.

Okay I promise I’ll be diligent about sneaking in a nap every day. When I think how I fought against sleep as a kid I laugh. Now I’m in my jammies and ready for beddy bye as soon as I come back from the early bird special.

Some say exercise is the magic bullet. Tell that to my aching hip when I try to simply stand in the kitchen and cut up a pineapple.

And I have to say if one more expert says it’s all about fiber, I will pour a box of Fiber One down his throat with a quart of almond milk. Let’s see how he likes spending all his remaining days in the bathroom?

It is also written on the all-knowing google that you have certain aging spurts at different times in your life. Apparently, the biological aging process isn’t steady and accelerates periodically, and wait for it—the greatest bursts come, on average at 34, 60 and 78.

Yep, I definitely noticed I was feeling much older at 34 than at 33. It’s coming back to me now how much harder it was to chase around two children at 34. At sixty I don’t remember much about how I felt except damn depressed about turning sixty.

Facing 78 soon I’m thinking maybe there is something to that age spurt thing because I’m noticing a bit more resistance on my body’s part. Like when I say, “okay let’s go to the mall, walk around and shop,” my body hides the car keys.  So maybe there’s some truth to that one.

Despite just the experts’ opinions there is the fact my friends are saying they are feeling a bit older these days. They claim their stamina is now successfully hiding somewhere in Greenland or Australia, but I think I’ve solved the aging conundrum.

Since I do admit to a slight sense of foreboding a week or two before my birthdays akin to what the Japanese must have felt as the atom bomb started dropping, perhaps we are overlooking the obvious.

The real culprit here is depression; that’s what ages us.

And no, I don’t want to hear all that malarky about you should be so happy just to be getting older.

That’s like saying, “Aren’t crow’s feet great? They really add a new dimension to your face.”

I’m sure we’re all grateful to be getting older and actually I’m not certain I’d have the strength to do this whole exhausting ride over again. Yet there is a sadness about watching the years pass.

And as optimistic as we’d like to be, birthdays are bittersweet.

We all wish we had the ability to run after our grandchildren like we did our kids.

That our metabolism hadn’t passed away ten years ago, and our feet actually could touch the ground without pain again. And the big one, that the loved ones we’ve lost could still be with us.

But at the end of the day, we must play the hand we’re dealt. I guess the truth is some of us age better than others. Is it luck, lifestyle or genetics and does it matter?

Still, it’s true old age isn’t for sissies and we must roll with the punches.

The only difficulty with that solution is how long it takes to get up after all that rolling.

But the good news is: You will never be younger than you are today. So just open a box of Godiva and enjoy the ride. What the hell, you’ve already paid for your ticket.

How to Live Without Guilt?

How To Live Without Guilt?

The other day as I was erasing old emails and clearing more room on my iphone memory, I thought about how easy it was just to sweep away the past. With a simple swipe of my finger old emails, phone calls and messages disappeared into the ether to be lost forever in some nether world of clouds. To remain forever somewhere with no permanent way to simply clear out the storage or turn off the whole damn computer.

Suddenly I realized how much better life would be if we could simply swipe left and erase the memories that fill our minds with sad and unresolved messages from the past.

Experts (whoever they are) claim that a major portion of our decisions in life are actually made by our subconscious mind.

In other words, we think we are making our choices, but surprise, surprise we’re not.

That little container of all hurts and negativity from the past has stored away all the memories guaranteed to sabotage even our most diligent efforts to cast off the bad.

As long as that storage memory is the keeper of such power we can only make what we believe are our conscious decisions. But are they?  Did we really choose that chocolate ice cream or did the choice come from somewhere deep inside the recesses of our mind. Selected for us from a childhood trauma in second grade when there was only vanilla left, but you wanted the chocolate and now you’re compensating and…

Wow that’s a pretty scary scenario I’d say. It kind of tells me that no choice is ever without some link to the then.

In our memory bank the storage is never full and we can’t find a way to empty out the old clutter and input new and fresh ideas. So even if our attitudes and our thought processes have evolved, the little storage bank in our brain has a strangle hold on our creative minds. Too deep?

Okay let’s make this a whole lot easier for those of us who haven’t had our morning coffee yet, that sucker called the unconscious mind is out to get us and we really have no way to fight the bugger off.

Clear now? Yep, and seems even more scary after our coffee.

Our brains are truly only computers that begin accumulating information when we are born. At least that’s the popular notion. I know there are others that may disagree, but for our purposes I’m going with the computer thing here.

So whatever is inputted into our brains goes immediately to a storage locker titled our subconscious that locks it away and it alone possesses the key.

Thus we simply go through life making choices based on information we believe we can clearly see and know. Wrong, it’s that evil sabotaging sucker up there in our brains, dancing around a fire with a key that gives it control.

So how do we defeat the little bastard? It’s not easy I can tell you as someone who has gone more rounds with my subconscious than Ali or Fraser.

So many times in the past I’ve believed decisions I’d made were perfectly rational and well founded. Think again.

At the end of the day a part of me had reverted back to old patterns I thought had long been forgotten and eliminated from my psyche.

So what the hell can any of us do to change the old and bring only the new forward?

Some experts say we can reprogram our mind through deep meditation or a voice talking to us while we’re sleeping.

My subconscious just laughed. No, I actually heard it daring me to even try.

Wow this is pretty heavy so let’s lighten it up. Disguise it as advice which my you-know-who won’t pay any attention to anyway.

I have some suggestions for eliminating the power our subconscious mind wields over us.

One: eat more chocolate. I believe we’re all aware, especially chocoholics that a giant dose of cocoa beans will completely take our brains into another world. Coat them with a haze rendering them weak and spaced out. Thus, the subconscious will be buried under a sea of Oreo cookie residue and unable to exert any power.

Second: get into a food coma. I highly recommend this be done at Italian restaurants. I have nothing against Asian, Mexican, Greek or any other ethnic offering, but hey let’s remember our history here. A couple of bowls of pasta and a slice of pizza and Brutus was all about the knife in Caesar’s back.

A good Italian food coma does wonders to cloud our brains. Besides even the worst pizza is better than any other food on earth. So while that thing in our heads is sleeping it off we have the power to make our own choices.

Trick it: Yes, that’s what I said. Trick your unconscious mind into thinking it’s making the decision, but use reverse psychology.

For example, a jerk asks you out on a date. He’s the same type of slimeball you’ve always been attracted to until it’s too late. So, this time you say out loud “he’s such a saint.”

Phone a friend and sing his praises about the work he’s done with orphans in Africa and how kind and thoughtful he is. Your saboteur will be listening carefully to this conversation and the very fact he is everything you have never been attracted to will make him extremely desirable to the little evil bully in your head. So if you convince your brain he is perfect, your mind will instantly reject him on all levels and you will saved from yet another bad choice. Brilliant huh?

But why do we have to go to such lengths to trick ourselves into making smart choices? Who instilled us with the bad habits we have embraced?

Damned if I know. Who am I Freud?  I mean it doesn’t take much to see if a guy’s a jerk, yet our brains seem to overlook the obvious. Or do they?

Are we aware we are actually making bad decisions? Don’t we know that when we’re on a diet that double chocolate brownies are not allowed, but we stuff them into our mouths anyway?

So why do we give up control to you-know-who, he who shall not be named?

I say it’s because it’s easier than fighting.

Yep, just give in. Then you can just blame that evil little monster in your mind for all your bad choices.

Otherwise, we’d have to blame ourselves and that guilt would force us to make more bad decisions.

Perhaps the subconscious mind is simply a great deal stronger than us, especially as we age. Seriously how would you fare in a tug of war right now without help from Conan the Barbarian?

I’d be mud bound in two seconds.

Your brain has given you a great excuse to make stupid choices. I say accept the gift and be grateful! Go ahead, embrace your subconscious, love the sabotage and shovel that Godiva in with no guilt. After all you’re not responsible. It’s you-know-who.

Do You Need to Feel it to Heal it

Do You Need to Feel it to Heal it?

“Grief is the price we pay for love…” Queen Elizabeth II

I have no earthly idea where I came up with the phrase you need to feel it to heal it but it’s stuck in my head. Like a flying shard of glass that catches you just behind the ear and you can’t see it to pull it out.

Anyway, so it got me to thinking about what this means in terms of how we come back from the bad places we’re forced to enter in life.

Lately I’ve watched while people close to me including myself have struggled to come back from a painful loss.

Begs the question, what is the best way to cope and is there really any foolproof way to deal with grief?

Does one magic bullet exist for everyone or does each person require a unique method of moving forward toward healing? It also made me wonder, what is healing? How do we know we’ve achieved it without the signs of a visible scar we can actually see?

I like to think I can cope with pain on my own and don’t require any medication to mask the effects.

I imagine myself strong, adept and able to cope without outside help. Then I’m reminded of that box of Godiva I keep reaching for at odd times during the day that seems to calm me with each bite. So, who am I kidding here? Because it doesn’t come in a bottle with a prescription attached is it any less medicinal?

Okay, I admit it, chocolate is my Zanax.

Others need an actual drug to quiet them enough to function. Without help masking the pain and its effects some are lethargic and unable to function in life.

I’ve witnessed this and it can be incredibly debilitating.

The question I’ve asked is how long is long enough to stay medicated until one can face life alone again?

How much Godiva will it take until I can get through a day and go through my normal routine without popping a few caramels and am I simply fueling my addiction to chocolate?

Is my need for sugar better than a Zanax or two to get through the day and isn’t it just as addictive?

Honestly, I don’t know. I like to think because eventually I’ll stop masking the pain with pralines it’s the better option. Yet whether it’s drugs or chocolate it’s still a crutch one uses to cope.

Returning to my original question, does one need to feel it to heal it?

Haven’t you heard people say that we must acknowledge and embrace our feelings to change them? That ignoring the pain merely adds time to its effects and we must go through the pain to get to the other side.

If we ignore pain can’t it burrow deeper into our soul until it’s almost impossible to find? Does it morph into a deep and festering wound that we are unaware exists and manifests itself in ways we don’t understand?

Is feeling and recognizing the hurt a way to battle it on our turf, like a home court advantage?

Know thy enemy is a phrase that never goes away and if we refuse to see what is attacking us can we rise to conquer an unseen enemy?

Sun Tzu said “Know the enemy and know yourself in a hundred battles you will never be in peril. When you are ignorant of the enemy but know yourself, your chances of winning or losing are equal. If ignorant both of your enemy and of yourself, you are certain in every battle to be in peril.”

So we need to know the enemy and know ourselves as well to achieve victory.

What does this mean to someone battling to avoid the pain of loss?

I imagine we must know ourself what weapons will be successful fighting our individual war.

We know sorrow, but how well do we know what it takes to defeat it?

Is it as many believe that time heals all wounds and we need merely to wait it out?

Is it simply medicating ourself and hoping the effects of the drugs will delay the enemy until we are armed and ready to face it again?

Does waiting actually weaken our resolve and the masking create less will and ability to deal with and defeat our aggressor?

Or does time, no matter what we do step in to do battle for us and eventually close the wound naturally?

Can it be a combination of all these; or perhaps none?

Do certain wounds never heal but remain to be opened and felt again, like a battlefield where there is no resolution?

Do some wars never truly end and exist in a state of semi-peaceful coexistence?

I truly believe that grief is fluid. We may go through times when we are coping well and then suddenly a memory attacks from behind and you are caught off guard.

Many spiritual leaders believe feeling the hurt and acknowledging a broken heart is the path to true awakening. To function in the midst of chaos without panic is the right path.

Looking forward to future nicer times can for the moment give you a sense that there can be happiness ahead. This is one way to restore hope life will eventually reach some new normal state.

Does staying connected to loved ones through pictures, memories, birthdays and so many other reminders help and deflect from the loss.

Maybe there is no one way to feel the pain and get past it that works for everyone. If needed some should reach out for help as part of their journey back to wellness.

In the end we all fight our own war, grieve our own way and slay the monster with the weapons we find most useful.

Hearts break and time heals to some extent, or so they say. Just how much it heals is not universal and differs within us all and we know wounds can reopen.

So if you need to feel it to heal it and get past it, arm yourself for battle and slay that dragon. And if you need to call in your army of loved ones and friends to help you do battle, that may be a huge help as well.  

This Getting Old is Really Getting Old!

gym.jpg

I’m really not one to complain, unless of course, someone is listening.

Okay, so I really need to stop answering my phone.

The other day I learned that two people I know died, one of my best friends in having surgery and the world is coming to an end on January fifth, 2088.

Since the world has ended numerous times in my lifetime that one is not really an issue, but this picking up the phone and finding out people are sick and dying really has to end.

Oh I know there is no way to stop the Grim Reaper. He does know where you are at all times, so I guess he’s the GPS for humanity. And there’s no blocking or turning off his signal.

Once upon a time long ago I actually got out of bed in the morning without stopping three times to check and see why parts of me weren’t cooperating in the effort. Now it’s a slow and painful process. When I actually make contact with the floor, it’s not exactly like a kiss from Prince Charming, and my feet spend at least the next five minutes complaining bitterly until they give up and just settle into a low hum of pain for the rest of the day.

Being from Detroit I know of what I speak. Just like cars are planned for obsolescence so are people. None of us is built to last forever, even if we are built Ford Tough.

Sure, you say, some people are full of piss and vinegar right up till the end, and to that I say bull crap. Even if one cultivates a good attitude toward aging, as we get older we are all just schlepping through life looking for replacement parts as we go.

I now know very few people that are not bionic in some form; new knees, valves, hips, stints,

shoulders and even wrists are as available as a sucked-up, tucked-up blond in a room full of ninety-year-old millionaires.

Dentures have been replaced with implants, hair plugs have it all over toupees and women tattoo their eyebrows on. It’s a world of new tech, new times and new inventions to keep us believing we are not actually aging.

Aha! Don’t be fooled because your body is laughing all the way to the plastic surgeon’s office. “Forget the neck lift,” it is saying. “I have a whole new hip in store for you soon.”

I know women who scotch tape their necks for an instant lift. I am thinking of inventing flesh colored duct tape to hold up my touchas every day. Bet it would sell great.

The newest great invention seems to be adult underwear, aka diapers. Oh sure they’ve disguised them with pretty little designs and flowers, but honey we all know they are Pampers 2.0. I thought that was the nursing home wardrobe. What’s the hurry to start wearing plastic panties? A few flowers and I’m supposed to get excited about this new lingerie? Ooh, I feel sexy.

Even though we look like we’re twenty years younger thanks to Botox, fillers, lifts and medical magic, inside our bodies are decaying faster than Senor Happy tooth in a sea of Godiva chocolate.

So what is there to do to reverse the aging process?

We could call Harry Potter to bring his wand, but I am too far gone for that. Magic can only go so far.

Some hang at the gym and believe they can walk faster than Father Time, thus beating him to the punch. Okay, I’m game.

I’m here at the gym and it’s very foreign to me. I’m not sure what language they’re speaking in this strange new land. Just a minute I can catch one word here, downward dog. Yes, I know that one; it’s a Yoga term. It means squatting like a dog until your toes break off on the mat. I remember even trying that once. Couldn’t walk for a week.

Just a second someone is climbing on a treadmill and wait he’s setting the incline. I thought just walking a straight line was enough of a challenge. Damn the man’s walking up hill. I’m getting heart flutters just watching him. I need to find somewhere to sit.

I feel the duct tape on my ass coming lose and I think I should go into the bathroom to fix it. If it falls off as I’m walking that would be embarrassing. Damn a piece is hanging out from under my shorts. I knew I should have worn spandex. I’ll just wrap the towel around my bottom and walk slowly.

Oy, they’re all looking at me now. Damn that man is cute and now he thinks I’m some kind of freak who walks around with a towel covering my tush.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I think my retail cardio is better. I’m going to the mall and walk around shopping for an hour or two. Who needs this when I can just park a little farther away from the door and burn off those extra calories? Plus, I know the language there better.

Sale, twenty off today, escalator, food court; these are words I can work with and feel comfortable around.

Okay, don’t start writing letters and leaving nasty comments on social media, I know exercise is valuable as one ages, but fun? I don’t think so! If it were designed to be fun it would contain some type of chocolate as part of the process.

I think getting old is difficult because it creeps up on us like a Hari Krishna at the airport. You never see it coming until it’s too late and the wrinkles are there, staring back at you, smirking because they crossed the finish line while you simply blinked.

There is a way to avoid the sight if you stop using the devil’s favorite invention: the magnifying mirror. I’m sure he’s proud of that one. God took pity on us and made our eyesight worse as we get older, thereby not seeing wrinkles. Oh, but the devil said, “what a great opportunity to do evil.” and there you have it. You will notice that a Nobel Prize was never awarded for that invention.

I have never heard one person I know say, “I expected this getting old thing to happen sooner. What took so long?”

Nope, it’s more like, “when the hell did this happen? I never saw it coming. Yesterday I was young and swinging in the backyard with my kids, and now there is some strange, old person staring back at me in the mirror.”

I know we all would rather be here than somewhere else, destination unknown, but the journey always seems so short looking back.

I have no answers except maybe the duct tape if I can perfect it, but I guess we all have to be grateful to be here to complain and check out the new crop of wrinkles. If you find the fountain of youth, send me a map and I’ll pass it along to my readers. Until then, think young, stay young, enjoy life and throw away that damn-magnifying mirror.