Ask any family and they will tell you the cost of a day at Disneyland is equal to a year’s salary in 1953.
The price of admission, food, souvenirs and little two-inch plastic oranges filled with two ounces of juice are a joke.
Despite the outrageous prices the lines are as long as a politician’s list of broken promises, so what’s the reality here?
Food, rent and everything seems to be moving on up; much like the Jeffersons. Yet despite prices, for some uncanny reason Disneyland keeps filling up the park.
I however have discovered a secret way to enjoy rides for free. Yep, free, and all you have to do is get older.
At a certain age, and I can’t say for a fact which, but it was definitely after 70. I received a golden ticket to a special section of Disney’s park. Not merely a senior discount, but a place catering to Baby Boomers and older.
Yep, like Charlie in Wonkaville I was granted access to any ride at Adventureland for free.
I suddenly could explore and enjoy rides with others I’d once only enjoyed at home.
And what a scary and exciting selection of rides. All so familiar and abundant among seniors. Now they could be shared in a park that included screaming every time the roller coaster dipped and swerved. The rides so real you’d swear you’d experienced them numerous times before.
One particular ride the “what the hell is this bruise mountain?” was so memorable. That’s when you awake to some mystery patch of black and blue you definitely didn’t have the night before. This ride could last for weeks until it either disappears or you have to go on another adventure and seek medical attention. No, you can’t always count on Dr. Google for a diagnosis.
The ride I seem to wind up on most is the “Ouch I can’t get out of bed because my back hurts,” roller coaster. It’s a twist and turn adventure as you attempt to find a body position with the least amount of pain.
I’ve frequently ridden, “what the hell did I just trip over?” mountain and the “incredible shrinking grandparent” guided tour.
Of course, for the more fearless there is the “how did I wind up here on the floor whodunnit?”
For the less brave there are easier rides like the, “does anyone but me hear the phone ringing?” race. Or the “what did I walk into this room to get guessing game?” Don’t even think of missing the “Oops I lost my balance but caught myself in time,” tournament. Or the ever popular “where did I park my car?” ride along. The “what the hell did I do yesterday?” wonder ride is a must.
People wait in line for many minutes to enjoy the “why can’t I turn my neck?” contest. Or the crowded “how long does it take to get up from a chair?” challenge. Few miss the “where’s all my hair?’ escape room romp.
I never miss the “how many times can you ride the elevator without getting nauseous?” event.
Everyone takes a crack at the “has anyone seen my keys?” coaster. The “what doctor am I seeing today?” mystery ride, and the always crowded “try to remember their name walkabout.” No one misses the “talk louder I can’t hear you,” play-offs.
Because Senior Adventureland is geared toward Baby Boomers the food selection is also very specific. Many relish the food at the “It Looks Like Spare Ribs Café,” that specializes in molding mashed potatoes into spare rib and steak shapes.
Some simply rave about their best seller; the faux spicy chili con carne bowl made from peas and carrots.
Instead of peppermints at the front when you leave there are Tums in metallic wrappers.
There is non-dairy ice cream in cones made of saltine crackers and pizza on a gluten free crust with non-acidic tomato sauce and fake cheese.
Every parking space in the lot is handicapped and practically everyone enjoys the use of a free scooter.
There are also booths in every section of the park with doctors offering free medical advice and people handing out early bird coupons for all restaurants in the area.
Every hour on the hour a Maj Jong tournament is featured and visitors may bet on the outcome. For others golf courses with par ten holes are available.
You can also enjoy a restful respite in the “swing in a hammock” getaway, where cat napping is always allowed.
Who says aging isn’t a blast? It’s an amusement park filled with a cornucopia of challenging adventures as one schleps through their day. So many new experiences jump up to greet you like a tsunami in Japan or a tornado in Kansas.
Maybe it’s karma? How many times did we all yell for our parents to hurry as we sat in the car with the motor running? Or wondered why they were always forgetting things?
No one ever told us they were already in their own Disneyland of fun adventures and guess what? Now we’re riding all the rides ourselves. I’m sorry, what was I saying? I know I had a funny last line, but I don’t remember what it was. Oh well, have fun and don’t miss the ten-par golf. I shot my best game there; at least I think I did.
