Tag: dentist

Doing the 100-Meter Medical Dash

After my recent blog about how at a certain age one’s home turns into a make-shift pharmacy, many readers questioned why I had not mentioned the fact they spend most of their waking hours running from dentist to doctor to doctor. It’s called the 100-meter-medical-dash.

When once a conversation would start with, “So how was your golf game?” Now it begins, “I went to that new specialist and he kept me waiting an hour. I almost missed pickleball.”

I’ve never seen an office so busy in my life. It looked like the first day of a clearance sale at Lohmann’s.”

Believe it or not if you live in New York or LA this spending your day going from doctor to doctor can become quite expensive.

In La and NY doctors are in medical buildings. These building don’t charge by the hour, they charge by the minute and some by the second. The last time I went for an MRI it cost me thirty dollars to park my car. And if you think you can escape this fate by street parking, guess again. Most buildings are in areas where there is no parking except in the building lot. I’d bet if you are going for an MRI chances are good you can’t walk ten blocks to get there.

So when did our days of shopping, running errands and meeting friends for lunch become, “maybe I can meet you Monday, but I have to check my medical appointment calendar. I have physical therapy two days, doctor’s appointments two days and I need to go to the oral surgeon for an implant. No on this week, but maybe when things slow down. I’ve got January 11th, 2025 open. For sure let’s make a plan.

Of course we all know we’re making the rounds from cardiologist to orthopedic surgeon to gastro to stay healthy and alive. And please don’t tell me you haven’t noticed your doctors are all the same age as your grandchildren. So annoying.

Okay, moving on, but isn’t it also true that most of our time now involves dashing from doctor to doctor and procedure to procedure.

Where once we collected the names of good manicurists and hair dressers, we are now trading names of orthopedic surgeons, overnight nurses and rehab centers while collecting urine samples.

My left arm is substantially thinner from all the blood they’ve drawn. Forget the fact I’ve had so many X-rays Marvel Comics is making me a new superhero, Glow in the Dark Grammy. And she’s Bionic!

So our lives continue. And although we might walk less steady, down more meds and spend less time going out for dinners and movies, we all keep up the pace of running from office to office to stay alive and feel good. Oh well, at least it does count as daily steps.

If you’re still married your appointments and procedures are doubled.

My friend ran off a list of tests she would be taking the next day. From collecting urine, to X- rays to MRIs and it seemed endless.

We used to discuss new recipes, what we were cooking for dinner and how annoying our husbands could be. Or even the latest diet that landed out of the sky. Quite different nowadays.

I do feel very sorry for those who live in countries where health care is not so easily obtained. Where you have to wait so long for a medical test you die before you’re able to get it. So I’m not complaining. Still, can we all look in the mirror and honestly tell ourselves it’s all worth it? Yes, of course, because at a certain age staying alive becomes one’s priority.

I just think it’s so sad that we are all so preoccupied with health instead of spending all our time living and seizing the day. So how do we capture more me time that isn’t shared with our MDs.

Like we don’t have to see a doctor again until the street lights come on.

Healthier living and medical miracles have definitely allowed us to enjoy life with our friends and families longer.

What if there is a price to pay? Isn’t time the ultimate gift after all?

Running to specialists, giving up certain foods and lifestyle choices, opting for healthier ones are worth it to be with loved ones.

Yet despite greatly understanding and appreciating that this is a good thing, waking up each day and seeing a calendar filled with tests, doctors and dental appointments can dampen your mood a bit. No one looks forward to a colonoscopy.

So how do we make it all more palatable?

As you see while sitting in waiting rooms I’ve given some thought to this situation. I believe one way to take the edge off is to make a living plan. After all, now that we have a health strategy we need to balance it out with a fun formula.

Ah but how do we do that?

I guess it’s about time management. If we make our appointments early in the day we can plan a fun activity afterward.

Take in a movie, meet a friend for lunch. Shop for those new boots you’ve been wanting. Check out the sights in your hometown you’ve never visited.

Do something out of the ordinary. Go for high tea with a few friends, celebrate your birthday even when it isn’t. Drop by and see your grandchildren with a new game to play.

Force your daughter or son to have a special lunch with you and catch up without the kids around.

Surprise your better half with a quick weekend getaway somewhere close they’ve been wanting to see.

If it’s autumn go leaf peeping or pick apples and eat donuts hot out of the Cider Mill oven.

You’ll notice I didn’t recommend joining a gym. This is about fun stuff. But I’ve heard Yoga or Pilates can be fun if your bones still work.

Yes, I get it. All of this takes some planning, but so does making doctor appointments.

I guess it will take effort, but the reward will be worthwhile.

If nothing else you’ll have something to talk with friends about besides your new hip replacement.

Wishing you happy new adventures and carpe diem.

Tripping The Light Not So Fantastic

I imagine we all remember how slowly time passed when we were young. It always seemed like summer vacation was a lifetime away.

I also remember how we all rushed through our lives. We couldn’t wait to turn sixteen so we could drive, or twenty-one so we could drink.

As we grew older we thought, wow, pretty soon I’ll get a senior discount.

How stupid do I feel? If I knew then what I know now, I’d say, screw the driver’s license I’m good just walking.

And to be excited about a senior discount? What the hell? Were the drugs we did in the sixties finally kicking in?

In our rush to speed through life and get to the next milestone faster than an LA blond chases a rich, old fool, we forgot one important thing…aging is a bitch!

We also were too foolish to realize that the road we hurried to travel was one way and return tickets don’t exist.

About getting older there is something upon which we can all agree…it sucks.

My life now is made up of doctor’s appointments, remortgaging the house to afford trips to the dentist, and an inability to live without an ice pack or heating pad attached somewhere to my body.

I travel frequently now. Only my trips aren’t to Europe, Asia or Bora Bora. They are trips over the rug, the curb, or the sidewalk that lifted up from a tree root. Hard to love trees after you kiss the pavement at twenty miles an hour.

I can even go to bed at night and wake up with a pain somewhere I didn’t possess the night before. It’s like the tooth fairy has been replaced by the pain fairy.

I find myself tripping and not in the way Timothy Leary proposed, but over any object that’s within two inches of my feet.

I swear sometimes I have seen a rug actually move closer to get under my foot and send me flying.

Someone should invent trip-free shoes or slippers that yell a warning when they see an object coming to get in our way. Now there’s a Nobel Prize I could sanction.

Speaking of trips, the bathroom is a place I frequent often at night without the need for a passport. Good luck getting back to sleep again. My bladder used to be the size of a lentil now it’s shrunken to a raisin.

Don’t for one minute think I’m alone in this clumsiness convention here. I’m always receiving calls from friends, and the minute I hear their voices I know immediately.

I start the conversation with, “Okay so where did you fall?”

If you think for one minute that after you heal there won’t be another adventure in pain awaiting you, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. If you can get across it these days.

Black ice, the enemy of the aging is the reason people move to Florida and Arizona. Even people who are old and senile are smart enough to know not to move to California for warmer weather. The danger of catching stupidity and insanity in this state can be fatal.

So, life has pretty much become, okay, on to the next thing. Or my favorite mantra, this too shall pass.

Of course, I haven’t even mentioned the really bad stuff that’s harder to fix than using ice packs or heating pads. There’s that to contend with as well.

So you’re probably thinking, “I know people who are old and live amazing and active lives.” That’s so rare Netflix does specials on them. Did you notice they all seem to live in clusters in a place that probably has no throw rugs, black ice or uplifted curbs.

I’m certain everyone over the age of sixty-five has a list of places they’ve fallen and every doctor or dentist they frequent is on speed dial on their phone.

My new favorite is going to lunch with friends. While we once used to actually peruse the menu for our favorite dishes, we now check for foods we are allowed to eat.

A typical friend’s lunch these days sounds like this…

“Oh I love their ravioli, but last time I ate it I was sick for a week.”

“I know, it gives me terrible heartburn. I’ll just have a salad.”

“I can’t eat salad, the ruffage gets to me.”

“They say you shouldn’t eat certain vegetables if you have acid reflux.”

“No green pepper please. I’ll be burping it for days.”

“I can’t live without my Tums. They literally save me.”

“Let’s order quickly cause if it gets too late I can’t eat a complete meal.”

“Waiter, can you please ask them to go easy on the garlic and make the marinara sauce with cream? Otherwise it’s too acidic.”

“I’ll just have half an order of the spaghetti please. If I eat too much, I can’t sleep all night and easy on the salt, I bloat.”

‘I was going to have a face lift but I decided to have my bladder lifted instead.”

“You’re smart to do that. Who can handle wearing those diapers?”

“Oh, and waiter, be careful not to trip over my cane, I’m still recovering from a fall.”

Lunch nowadays sounds more like a medical convention than a meal.

Then there’s the balance issue. I used to have such great balance that seals with balls on their nose envied me. Now I have to hold onto walls when I’m attempting to exercise.

Yet on a positive note, I do have friends who stay active especially the ones I call the pickleball posse. They seem to be able to do the things so many of us only dream of doing now.

Forget pickleball, I’m thrilled if I can just eat a pickle without heartburn.

Walking downstairs used to take a minute, but now it takes half the day. Instead of one foot after another, it’s one foot then put the other foot on the same step and then move on to the next one.

And heaven forbid there is no railing.

I have so many bars in my shower and tub now it looks like saloon row in Las Vegas after dark.

I guess if we weren’t all talking about our aches and pains we’d have to discuss the horrible things we now call reality. So maybe a fall or two is worth avoiding the bad trip that is the news today. Let’s face it, hanging in there is still the real goal.

I guess being a klutz is a good thing after all. It does prove we’re still here and kicking. Well maybe not kicking…