There’s a fine line between delusional and it’s my party.
Okay so here’s the 411, which by the way for those of you who are anything before the year 2000 challenged, means the information. Basically, where does the line between delusion and seeing the world your way become a psychotic thing?
I’m not sure, but I imagine I’ve come really close to that line sometimes judging by other’s reactions to my reactions to situations. If I had a dollar for every time someone has noted with incredulity, “why are you even surprised?” I’d have enough for a butt lift.
I guess you could say I’m actually a closet Pollyanna, wanting to believe that people’s intentions are good, and when someone says they like and care about me, they actually do.
Wow, go figure!
So is reality a choice, a delusion or something based on wish fulfillment?
I have always wanted to believe the best about people. Why is that?
Because it is so much easier to believe people are kind than accept the fact they may just be assholes.
Although sometime long ago I decided the best way to proceed in life was to expect nothing and let people show themselves through their actions, but I kind of never practiced what I preached.
Which is why I now, at this age, look back and must reproach myself for being so damn dumb.
It’s not just that I wanted to believe people didn’t want to hurt me, it’s that even after they had numerous times, I still refused to accept they were anything less than I’d believed.
Right up until the time I lie on the floor bleeding and was forced to admit, gee they weren’t what I thought they were. Stupid!
It’s the whole stupid thing I was trying to avoid here because that is so self-deprecating and yet I truly should have caught on so much sooner, but I chose not to.
But why would I? Why would anyone want to admit a so-called friend didn’t really give a damn about them or a brother would stab you in the back or an agent in Hollywood would lie?
I know, I know that agent thing really is as obvious as a heart attack.
Or that a man you loved would lie to you?
Delusional is looking good here.
After all is said and done what is the best way to handle reality. If we really saw everyone for what they were, warts and all, the world could be a darker and uncozier place.
Isn’t it much safer and happier to believe all is good and unicorns roam the earth and leprechauns are at this very moment guarding your pot of gold at the end of that rainbow?
Would we all be better off to live in a world where we never got hurt or disappointed because at the outset of every relationship we expected the worst or nothing at all from those whom we encounter along our path? If nothing else, from disappointments we must expect greater knowledge and perhaps a lesson learned to put into our backpack as we march along life’s highway. At least I know not to hitchhike.
What is the happy medium here and how do you achieve it when often people don’t expose their true natures until well after you’ve begun to trust and care?
I have often pondered the question of who is at fault when relationships die and why must we be so ready to blame ourselves?
It is human nature to want to be close to other humans, to bond, to create a commonality of goals, of words of deeds with people about whom you care.
So if I must continue being delusional so be it.
I suppose I’ll never learn, because in the end knowingly or unknowingly we also disappoint others. I imagine in a way it’s a cycle of sorts.
Since we do not choose to hurt others, unless we are well that kind of crazy person, I have to believe others don’t intend to set out to hurt us either. And yes although some do, I imagine we just have to sort through the trash and find the treasure in those who are willing to stick it out until the end.
Or until there is really nothing left to be hurt about anymore, because at a certain point everything becomes so unimportant and genuinely silly really.
As my kids always say, “it’s all good” and I guess that means the bad as well.
For me true knowledge comes from realizing our reality is subjective and greatly colored by what has come before. Should we choose to become bitter and immediately assume people will hurt us because some have, at the risk of becoming a bitter, angry human being that dwells in mistrust and suspicion? I think not! Or should we try to embrace that being human is to accept we are all flawed and imperfect.
Or as someone I know says, “we shouldn’t strive for perfection, only progress.”
If we are constantly judging the behavior of those around us we may find ourselves expecting too much or even at times not enough. I guess the secret is to expect nothing and go with the flow.
I guess that’s the best answer since I’m too damn old to swim upstream anymore.
So I choose to be happy when those I care about are loving and kind, and resigned and forgiving when they aren’t. After all, others don’t set your expectations, you do, so why are they responsible for what you put upon them.
Relationships can be confusing and difficult or easy and flowing. I guess it’s up to me to choose.
The choice is made. Oh no, wait I want to choose again. OY! It’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!
Oh well, I do love marshmallows.
Corn Stuffed Zucchini Boats
4 zucchinis cut in half. Scoop out insides until they resemble a boat. Leave edge of zucchini a bit in tact so they prevent the corn from leaking out the sides.
Salt and pepper the zucchini and set aside.
2 cups corn can be fresh, frozen or a mix of both
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons flour
1 cup half and half
¾ cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
pepper to taste
Mix eggs and half and half and add other ingredients. Use immersion blender and mix corn mixture until it mixes together, but some corn is still recognizable.
Fill zucchini with corn mixture and sprinkle cheese on top.
Bake approx. 20 to 25 minutes until set.
Sprinkle lightly on top with fresh chopped red pepper