Tag: computers

Stop Throwing Shade on Shade

So I’m watching golf today. I know I know, you’re asking why? Okay, I love watching these guys play because I stink.

So anyway, enough justifying my golf watching, the course looked amazing. The sun was in a great position, the greens were emerald and most of all there was a great deal of shade under the trees. The kind of shade that looks like it’s actually painted in.

The kind of summer day that makes you want to plop into a hammock and just watch the clouds roll by. Or run your bare feet through the cool leafy grass. Funny, does anyone do that anymore? Lie in the shade I mean. Just checking out the shape of the clouds? Or run your feet through grass. I wonder if that isn’t one of those things we lose when we get older. Or perhaps it’s the whole Oh-my-God-stay-out-the-sun panic.

Whatever the reason that’s actually my point. Despite the fact I seem to be taking forever to get there, it’s about shade.

When did shade become a bad thing?

When I was a kid shade was what you sought out and embraced on a hot day. After roller skating around the block a few times, you honed in on a shady spot like a boobed-up blonde to a rich old coot.

We all had our favorite trees we’d scoped out and felt the most covered under. That special tree that not only had the most leaves, but allowed for maximum breezage.

Does it seem I’m being too scientific here? It was never about science then, but comfort. Those hot days were pretty brutal for a generation that spent so much time outdoors, before computers, social media and daytime TV.

And here is the real 411, before air conditioning. It came eventually with some room air conditioners strategically placed around the house. But until then, on a hot day shade was your best friend. It cooled down your burning hot cheeks to a livable temperature and allowed you to head out into the blazing sunlight renewed.

Of course, at a certain point it was time to fill that pool and go for it, but shade kept you cooled down sufficiently to jump rope, play some dodgeball or read a comic book.

It was the place you gathered to trade baseball cards, play marbles, or picnic. PBJ and lemonade always seemed tastier outside on a blanket under a shady tree.

If indeed shade was so important to us as kids, why in the world has it taken on such a negative connotation?

Who decided that throwing shade on someone is a bad thing? An insult so to speak? No one asked me for my vote. I know which side I would have come down on.

I imagine this is just another example of how different the younger generation is from Baby Boomers.

We saw shade as something beautiful, comforting healing and abundant. An oasis in a stifling desert pre-air conditioning when we lived outdoors.

We loved the sun before it became our enemy. There was no sun screen, no thought of how dangerous it was to have a deep tan, just a natural desire to seek out the sun and shade.

Most neighborhoods didn’t have clumps of trees like a golf course, so we gravitated toward the lushest with that perfect opening between the leaves to allow for breezy relief.

We spent quality time in the shade. It was always positive to cool down, play cootie catchers or cat’s cradle with your best friend. A chance to recharge your batteries before the street lights went on and the day outdoors came to an end.

Shade allowed us to take advantage of every bit of fresh air and sunshine. We enjoyed a healthy lifestyle foreign to most kids today.

Now kids troll their social media and accuse people of throwing shade like it’s a crime against humanity. The real crime is not enjoying a sunny day and a shady tree.

Talk about corrupting the positive into a negative that shouldn’t exist.

If kids today weren’t raised with central air, sun screens and computers they could appreciate what an ally they have in a shady spot under a leafy friend.

Shade is the shadow of a tree that gives comfort equally and equitably to all.

It shares itself with everyone, anytime in a welcoming and comforting manner.

There is nothing negative about shade or what it provides.

All I can say as I turn back to Scottie Scheffler trying to reclaim his throne, is please young people; stop throwing shade on shade!

How to Avoid a Stroke Trying to Get a Human Voice on the Phone

Did you ever wonder how many people died of a heart attack trying to reach someone human online?

I haven’t seen any statistics but I’m willing to bet there are many casualties of this torture. I can easily visualize grandma sitting on the couch with her mouth open, not breathing, her finger still on the phone button pushing zero in a vain attempt to reach a human voice.

Good luck with that.

A woman in Hell, Michigan (quite an appropriate name I’d say) was found by her daughter in a state of rigor holding her cell phone in one hand with a finger from her other hand touching the O. There were still tear stains on her cheeks and a shocked and appalled expression on her face.

The phone was still repeating a recorded message,“ There is a longer call wait than usual. You are number 232 in line. If you hang up your call will be answered in the order it was received.”

As if it’s not bad enough to try and talk to a human being now, we will have to contend with whatever horrors AI will bring.

A friend of mine was trying to reach someone at a billing center. After ten minutes of yelling into the phone, “I want to talk to a person. Hello, are you there? I need to talk to someone. Are there any humans there. Hello, hello, hello.” Her neighbors called the police because they thought she was being attacked and rushed her to the hospital. She was sedated for two days after asking every doctor and nurse who entered the room if they could please put her in touch with someone human.

The saddest part is that the voice recordings never understand what you’re saying anyway. It’s like driving and trying to ask SIRI directions to an address.

“SIRI, I need to go to 123 Maple Street.”

“Certainly,” here are the directions to 146 Apple Street.”
“No SIRI, I said Maple Street.”

“A maple is a species of tree with brightly colored foliage in the fall.”

“No SIRI! Maple Street, Maple Street!”

“I’m sorry I can’t understand you when you are raising your voice. I am not programmed to respond to that. Goodbye.”

Is this progress?

I think not.

Is progress driving people to such a level of frustration they want to take a hammer to SIRI? Or slam the phone down on the recorded voice. Or have a stroke yelling for a human being to pick up?

The companies go out of their way to ensure there is no way for you to even reach a human being. Just try finding a phone number to call and if they do it’s always a wait of at least half an hour.

There is also a problem understanding call centers that are located in foreign countries from where you happen to be.

“Hello, hello is someone there?”

“Hello?”

“Are you human?”

“Garble garble garble. Skip skip skip.

“I can’t hear you what are you saying?”

“Garble, garble, voice drop, garble.”

“I’m sorry is there someone there? Does anyone speak English? I only speak English. Can someone hear me? Can someone help me?”
“Garble garble, garble.”

Now I will say there have been times when I could neither hear, nor understand the person at the other end of the line, and requested an English speaker.

This did help somewhat. But I still had a very difficult time hearing what they were saying.

There is also the problem of how to relax and stop shaking after the call is over. If you do ever finally make contact with someone, you are left shaking harder than a woman entering P. Diddy’s house.

How do you find a way to put a smile on your face, reverse your bad mood and greet the day in a happy-go-lucky upbeat mood after doing battle in get-me-a-human land?

I myself have always found a very crunchy cookie works well to dispel aggression and restore slower breathing.

So what is one to do when one needs assistance with a problem or an issue? Who can one turn to in their hour of total frustration and panic?

A recording doesn’t seem to fill the bill, as they say.

When one is calling about something aggravating, adding to their frustration level to the point of dropping dead, doesn’t seem to be the right response.

Screaming hello into a phone will definitely not lower one’s blood pressure.

Waiting for an hour in a queue won’t relax the heart muscle.

Staying on the phone for an hour waiting for your turn and then being disconnected won’t lower your dependence on tranquilizers.

Perhaps aside from a box of cookies someone can invent a new drug especially targeted for times when one has to deal with call centers.

It would slow your heart rate, avoid your need for human contact and instantly allow you to translate any language other than your own. It could be the miracle drug of the twenty-first century.

Seriously though, lives could be saved.

Phones could be spared being thrown against walls.

Blood pressure could be leveled off.

What a masterpiece of an invention.

Next time someone calls the DMV, Social Security or any government or billing office, instead of going into panic mode a simple pill popped at the right moment could solve the problem.

Now I know you might say it’s because I come from the hippy generation that I seek a pharmaceutical remedy to my issues, but in this case what other options are there?

Big tech is not going to stop innovating and with each new one, Baby Boomers are driven crazier.

We yearn for the time when we could talk to a person. Have a conversation and resolve an issue.

We are built to only react calmly to recordings of Johnny Mathis.

This new world is quite foreign to anyone who grew up when face to face conversations were the norm.

Now social media has taken over and young people talk though their computers.

Soon AI will speak for all of us.

When that day happens, I will be happy to let AI call and resolve my problems, while I happily crunch my cookies and milk at my leisure.

Who says Baby Boomers can’t get with the program? “Hello, is anyone there? Hello, hello, readers are you there?”

I Actually Bought Matches Today

I actually bought a box of matches today on Amazon. I don’t ever remember buying matches before.

My entire life I always had tons of matchbooks lying around and never thought twice about lighting candles, burning sage, setting my hair on fire, or whatever.

Now although many prefer using candles lit with batteries, I still find myself needing matches.

So, I went where I always go, to Amazon and ordered matches. Surprisingly they ran the gamut of prices, from twenty-seven dollars to $2.98. Guess which I bought?

Talk about burning through money! Twenty-seven dollars for a match? Unless they burn solid gold, I’m going with the cheaper model.

Okay so you’re wondering why I am wasting time opining about matches, but stay with me here.

Matches are a symbol of the loss of what I call the freebee.

Yes, there was a time in America when everywhere you went there was stuff lying around to take home.  The goal was you’d use it all in advertising their product, store or whatnot.

Banks gave out pens, until I’m not quite sure when they started nailing them down to the counter.

Every restaurant had bowls of matches next to the mints when you left.

Calendars were a biggie. They reminded you of who furnished them for a solid year.

All sorts of premiums were given away gladly to ensure your continued business. Even candies were wrapped in a business’s name.

So why has this all changed and I now have to buy matches on Amazon?

If you’re thinking, wow she is cheap, complaining about some two-dollar matches.

Well, that’s not the point, although it did bug me a little.

Like old people who buy Sweet ‘n’ Low in a grocery store. We all know they don’t. But hey I do, so there. Not so cheap huh?

What is getting to me is wondering if they gave up all this freebee stuff how are they planning to get our attention now? Personally, I don’t like where this is headed.

We’ve already witnessed why matches are no longer necessary to grab your attention every day.

Computers and AI. That’s right the big C and little AI are now in charge of all the brainwashing.

If I sound paranoid it’s because I am.

It’s like a little invisible robot is following me around the Internet.

She just checked out a blouse at Macy’s, jump on it. Suddenly I’m receiving not only a picture of that same blouse on every webpage I enter, but more as well.

At least the restaurants with their free matches never followed me home and harassed me every second to come back and eat there again.

It doesn’t matter what you check out on line someone is there to remind you to buy it, visit it or come back to the site.

It’s uncanny how fast they move. They even add products that may go along with what you checked out.

Like if you search for a dining room table, suddenly you’ll see ads on your Facebook page for the matching chairs.

It’s like your own secret shopper is stalking you across the Web.

Now I’m not saying I’m dumb enough to believe we have any privacy in our lives anymore.

Hello Big Brother I feel you!

But come on, even shopping? Is nothing sacred any longer? I mean a girl and her charge card is a special relationship and should be respected.

Why should Google care if I need a new blouse? Have these people nothing better to do?

I remember the days when it was fun to window shop. Stores closed earlier then and it was fun some evenings to simply walk around and check out the merch after dinner or a movie. You’d notice how they displayed the products to get your attention especially on the holidays when everything was decked out to entice you to buy, buy, buy!

Believe it or not actual people thought about what mannequins to use, where to place them and what fun accents would draw more attention to each window and product.

Now little bots crawl around the Internet checking what you notice and reporting it to the head Bot. I don’t remember voting for a head Bot.

If this sounds creepy, I agree.

No one ever followed us around from store to store as we admired how a window was decorated. Unless they were a stalker. But there seemed to be a whole lot less of those back in the day.

Now our stalkers are little cyber beings that track, report and let Big Brother know our desires, taste level and how much time we’re willing to waste on line each day.

Supposedly there is a way to stop them from tracking your whereabouts. I’m certain that is a ploy to lure you into an illusion of privacy and they just make their little robots more stealth.

Gotta go now. Amazon is at the door delivering my matches. Hey what’s this? My Facebook just popped up with an ad for a lighter? Actually, I should have thought of that myself. Sad when you realize the little bots have better shopping genes that you. How depressing for a woman.
Thinking about all of this I am remembering how exciting it was when our family bought its first television set. Who knew eventually it would be the TV watching us one day?