Ponder, Ponder, Ponder…Get Me Outta Here
Ponder: to think carefully about something, especially for a noticeable length of time.
I have way too much time on my hands right now to ponder. Yes ponder. No good can come of pondering. Thinking leads to allowing things into our minds that we have successfully been able to lock out for years. And then suddenly we are pondering and all the stuff we are trying to avoid comes back like Cadbury eggs at Easter time. Among today’s ponderings one stood out I knew I must share, since many have been the victim of its relentless convoluted logic. So here is one of the most obnoxious forms of guilt and manipulation on the planet.
I give you the plea, “I know their wrong, but you give in and be the bigger person.”
I’m sure if we had a dollar for every time we heard that phrase we’d be rich as Rockefeller. I know I would.
So I will now bust this myth wide open by saying simply. When you strive to be the bigger person, you only succeed in making yourself the bigger target.
Why do you say this Norma? Why shouldn’t everyone attempt to be bigger and more magnanimous? How can it be negative in any way?
I shall splain, Lucy.
In most cases the plea for one to be the bigger person always comes when someone is acting like a giant jerk and you are the one chosen to keep the peace.
One must ask why you are the one being asked to succumb to the idiotic or selfish ramblings of others. Is it because those beseeching you believe you are the bigger person? Or do they really believe you are the weaker one, or perhaps even more prideful?
I believe it’s true especially with parents that understand when we are very young which child is the weakest of the herd. Whom can they most easily manipulate and lead about through the use of many methods, including guilt.
Thus when the most spoiled and stubborn of the group acts up they immediately know which to approach to give in and end the stand off.
The weakest one of course, the one that will most easily succumb to the guilt, praise and downright lies.
It’s usually the one doing the acting up or out that’s the favored one, the most loved and revered and not to be messed with. So because they are the most prized everyone must give in to their ridiculous and selfish behavior.
I am merely pondering here, but I believe I’m on the money.
After one gives in to a spoiled obnoxious person there is a period of praise from others and pride in being the bigger person.
Nothing is ever gained by backing down and letting others walk over you. Oh sure there is momentary peace. Yet all it accomplishes is to set a pattern of behavior where you give in to those who in many instances, will never change, grow or become better people.
You will never have established healthy boundaries with this type of person and they will continue throughout life to take advantage of the fact they can emotionally bully you.
Eventually the day will come when you will grow tired of the dynamic and walk away. So what has been gained?
Being the bigger person is not always predicated on giving in. Nor is it dependent on the desire to always be right. We should agree that many times we must let others be right even when we believed we were, and sometimes when they may not be.
In retrospect as we all look back on our mistakes, failures and successes there have been many times we would change our behavior to affect the outcome. This is a necessary lesson in human relationships.
Giving in to appease others to believe we’re the bigger person is an exercise in futility and pride. It’s like winning the booby prize. Sure someone else won the argument, but I know I’m the bigger person. As if that counts for anything.
I think there are two ways to be the bigger person in these encounters. One is to walk away and ignore the entire situation. Rise above it altogether and don’t engage.
Second is to avoid people in your life that back you against a wall and encourage disputes and unpleasantness. Being the bigger person may be nothing more than being the wiser one.
In the end none of it matters anyway. Arguments are futile because most people don’t really change their opinions. Hostility is unhealthy and should be avoided at all costs. As one ages we all realize that very little matters except love and family. So being the so-called bigger person always has and always will come to naught in the end.
I think we are all the bigger person for knowing what is really important for bigger, as we know, is not always better.
So in my pondering I have decided that what matters most is to seek love, forgive easily and embrace laughter. And I don’t need anything bigger than that.