As the story goes men are hunters and gatherers and women are nurturers. Oh please don’t start with me about the whole woke stuff, my generation accepts the old ways. Sort of like the Jedi and the teachings of Yoda and Obi Wan. “Shopping do we must.”
It’s a well-known fact that men hunt, but it’s also true that women scavenge also. Just not in the forest. Our jungle is the mall.
We hunt for bargains in clothing and objects to buy that will bring us a sense of satisfaction.
I mean let’s be honest here, finding your favorite shoes 75% off is a rush that brings jubilation. There is even a certain shopping smile one can recognize on the face of a woman who comes home laden down with treasures after a day at the mall.
So the other day my friend Jan and I were shopping at a store in Beverly Hills. In a blissful state of excitement just to be in the midst of gorgeous clothing, handbags and of course shoes, we were shocked to find the number of salespeople far outnumbered customers.
Now it’s not that we need an army to shop alongside us of course. However, there is a certain shopping energy that women absorb when they are in hunting or as we know it shopping mode.
In language men can understand it’s as though there is one prize deer and every hunter in the forest is out to bag it. Yes, I know gross.
But that’s kind of the same energy a woman feels at the after Christmas sale at Bloomingdales as she seeks out the perfect sweater to go with her new slacks.
It’s not just that the shopping energy has waned but there is an innate fear amongst many of us that the stores and malls will completely fade away. I mean without Black Friday America would fall into instant decline.
Many malls have already closed and more and more people are shopping online.
You can shoot a canon through many stores these days and hit no one, and that is frightening. Oh the humanity!!!
Online shopping is fine for a certain purpose. I certainly wouldn’t badmouth Amazon. The truck pulls up to my door plenty, but when you are in a store and walking around you see things you can’t see online. A pair of shoes that call to your feet, a jacket with your name on it, a handbag you’ve been wanting for ages that is now on sale. The adrenalin rush to buy it before someone else spots your prize.
These things don’t happen online.
Online is a far more focused shopping experience. More targeted toward a specific item. Yes, that works fine for a special purchase, but sitting on your tush on the computer is not the same as being out in the forest of fabrics we desire. After all, how many women can sit on the computer all day and shop? Sure we’d love to, but let’s be realistic here.
Our shopping gene needs visual contact with the merchandise.
We need to spot it in the sea of blouses on the rack as we pass by. Then we must slowly creep up on it and eye it more closely. We touch the fabric and if it awakens our senses, we move through the sizes silently hoping ours will be there.
When we find what we are seeking, we head for the dressing room carrying our prey, occasionally to be stopped by a salesperson asking, would you care to try that on?
Lord talk about an obvious question. Of course, we do. Our eyes are glazed over with anticipation. Okay special exception here; if we are bloated, we would rather try it on at home after the water weight diminishes.
After we are led to the room, we slip the silky fabric onto our body and turn toward the mirror.
Our eyes are fixed on the fit. Perfect, just as we knew it would be.
We have done it. We’ve bagged a winner and there is still a mall filled with prey we can sleuth out and capture. Women have needs.
Yes, we are hunters and gatherers and we crave our shopping fix.
So what will happen if the stores close? How will we fulfill our need to satisfy the shopping gene? That desperate urge to possess fresh new items.
I worry it will disappear, like our tails. When they were no longer necessary evolution just eliminated them from our body structure.
I dread to think that when the malls and stores are gone our shopping gene will be lost to the ages.
Can you imagine years from now women reading about a shopping gene they once possessed, but has gone forever.
Two future teenagers look up from their computers and one texts the other?
What’s a shopping gene? Puzzled emoji.
The other texts back, I don’t know, look it up online. Annoyed emoji.
Shopping gene: A genetic predisposition by women to enter stores and seek out clothing shoes and other items. This was accomplished traveling in pairs, groups or alone. It was done in a place called a store, either standing alone or in a mall.
She texts back what’s a mall? Question mark emoji.
Look it up I’m on reels here. Annoyed emoji annoyed emoji.
A mall: a place where people shopped that contained stores and restaurants.
She texts…that sounds cool, why don’t we have them anymore? Smiling emoji.
No one cares, we don’t shop now, we just take what is sent to us. It works fine. Are you complaining? Scary emoji.
No, no I’m fine with it, I have no desire to drag around in stores looking for stuff to buy. Laughing emoji.
Good then let’s get back to our computer staring. Who cares about ancient history? Disgusted emoji.
Wow, the other one texts. Did you know that America was a country that used to have restaurants where you could eat inside? Surprised emoji.
No but that would be kind of awful because you’d have to actually sit and talk to people face to face. Yucky emoji.
I know, boy those people were primitive! Shocked emoji.
LOLOL emoji sent back.
And that my fellow mall seekers is how the shopping gene will disappear. So girls it’s imperative we shop as much as possible to avoid losing vital parts of us we desperately need.
However, if I could just do something about losing that chocolate-craving gene I’d be so fine with that. Sad emoji. Fat emoji.
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