Tag: autumn leaves

What is a Holiday if Not Bittersweet?

As a child waiting for the holidays seemed endless. Watching the cooking, cleaning and preparations were always such a thrill and it created a kind of ambiance in the home that lingered there like the smell of an apple pie in the oven as it bubbles and browns. The arrival of Autumn and crunching colorful leaves. The crisp air and blue clear skies added so much to the season.

The table would be filled with family, sometimes friends and always a cornucopia of great food to eat and enjoy without anyone monitoring how many helpings of dessert or whipped potatoes you downed.

After I married and was suddenly the one in charge of the festivities, it became different. Oh of course there was still that vibe of expectancy in the air, but now it was suddenly me who must provide the food and create the holiday. Now a new dimension was added to the soup…stress. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, gift wrapping and counting chairs and table settings gave me something new to focus on beside the previous, “oh boy Mom’s making my favorite potatoes this year.” And yes in case you noticed, potatoes are a running theme throughout this tome for good reasons.

Most holidays I shared phone conversation and recipes with my friend, Marcia, as we stuffed the fridge with numerous holiday favorites we made year after year. It had become as much a part of the ritual as the actual holiday itself.

Yes, it was joyous, happy and laced with the added responsibility of shopping, cooking and all the other tasks involved in preparing a dinner. I embraced it totally and reveled in every moment I spent ensuring a delicious and gut-busting meal was on that table.

The food was a big part of the entire holiday preparation agenda. There were also presents to buy, new clothes, carrying extra chairs up from the basement and reminding my husband ten times to get the good silver down from the top of the closet.

All of these yearly rituals marked the beginning of what was hoped would be a joyous day with family.

And truth be told, no matter how hard one tried it didn’t always turn out as planned. Yet in retrospective all the memories gleaned from these moments are now a priceless photo in the album of one’s life.

Sadly, looking back on past holidays fills one with a sense of bittersweet sadness that can so easily cloud the spirit of the present.

Seeing the present table, although filled with joy at watching my children and grandchildren, there is a deep sadness that so many chairs are empty now. Yet this is a part of life that sadly seeps into the holiday spirit. I have learned the only way to ensure a joyous occasion is to focus solely on those who are there and wipe out memories that threaten to impede on any joy.

But is this what we are truly supposed to feel?

Shouldn’t we use a holiday to remember and call up those who are no longer with us? Is this the right moment to unleash memories or should they be saved for another time?

It makes one wonder what is exactly the right balance in these situations.

I myself have had a difficult time. I strive to live in the present and extract every bit of happiness from the moment and then I suddenly find a memory creeping in as I see the brisket or a honey cake the way a favorite aunt made it, or any one of a thousand childhood memories.

Thinking of years past a special sadness creeps in. Times were so different then. Losing beloved family members and friends is a difficult enough pill to swallow, but looking around at what Jewish people are facing adds even more sadness into the holiday mix. Perhaps praying a bit harder and strong faith may create a solution, one must never lose hope it will. In the meantime we must take advantage of every happy moment we can to embrace love and create wonderful new memories.

I’ve come to the conclusion holidays are the very essence of bittersweet. As we go through our lives everyday the business and demands of our routine often leave little time for reminiscing. Perhaps that is why the holidays allow us to stop and savor the present, albeit tinged with hints of memory perhaps designed to include those now gone. Bittersweet as it is and always will be there is something very special about allowing the past to join the table, to fill a seat once more. Not to sadden the present or create new memories, but to ensure the old ones are never forgotten. If there is an afterlife, I would like to believe when they pass the potatoes I’ll be sitting at the table with my family once more and enjoying a second helping as well, with the added benefit of no calories!

Happy holidays to everyone and enjoy all the happy moments!

Are Dark Waters The Greatest Source of Light?

Are Dark Waters The Greatest Source of Light?
“When you look at a beautiful view from a window, the beautiful view also looks at you from the same window! But the window looks at both you and the view! Wise man is the window itself; he looks at everywhere!…” Mehmet Murat ildan

I have often wondered why a specific view can become so important to one’s life.

People are willing to pay enormous amounts of money to gaze through their window and enjoy city lights, mountains or my favorite, twinkling lights across a body of dark water.

The New York skyline has always been a source of comfort for many. There is something so Zen about looking through huge windows at the sea of lights below. In LA many times I have watched planes stacked up over LAX waiting to land.

But does something always have to be spectacular to deserve your attention?

I love watching the Las Vegas strip slowly reaching its ultimate glow against the purple haze of twilight covering the mountains surrounding the city.

I know it’s hard to find anything about Las Vegas spiritual, but at just that moment of twilight when the landscape comes alive with thousands of flashing lights from the Strip there is something so otherworldly about the scene. I’ve always found it so calming to sit there and watch until the purple haze morphs into darkness and the entire city is ablaze with light.

What is it about a view of radiance twinkling in the distance that seems to calm the human spirit? It can make you feel, embrace you and inspire creativity.

The other day I was watching a movie that portrayed a scene of New York from across the Hudson River. The dark water filled the middle between two twinkling land masses and illuminated its movements. So why am I so intrigued with dark water and luminosity and is there something mysterious about the way it can grab and hold your attention?

Many years ago my family vacationed in Miami Beach. My room faced the ocean with a wall of glass. Before falling asleep I loved to watch the dark abyss that seemed to spread forever before my eyes. One night I noticed a large ocean liner on one side of the window and began to watch its journey across the sea. It seemed to take forever to cross from one side of my window to the other before it was out of sight.

I stared hypnotized as the ship slowly moved across the black ocean. The length from one side of the window wasn’t that large and yet the journey took an hour.

Why stare at a ship crawling along a dark body of water? Why sit mesmerized as the sun sets leaving behind a purple haze as mountains slowly become illuminated by lights?

I imagine it’s because somewhere deep inside we identify with the journey from darkness into light. To become part of that view and become one with its beauty and serenity.

Can it really be that simple? Perhaps on a conscious level it may seem so, but somewhere deep inside all of us yearn to attain the other side of pain and bewilderment into clarity.

Why pay fortunes of money to sit affixed before a window sporting a New York or LA skyline, the impressive span of the Golden Gate Bridge or the flaming colors of the trees in Autumn?

What is the allure? What is so captivating about a particular view to so many?

I have thought about why a beautiful vista can so lift one’s spirits and come to the conclusion there are actually many reasons why it may so entice us on a conscious level.

Perhaps it is the symbolism of dark waters terminating in a blaze of lights with which we can identify.

There is radiance, then darkness, then it is bright once again.

Can this be a metaphor for life? Pretty obvious.

Is the opaque water just a representation of the way light can morph into blackness and then once again become aglow? Hope that under the blackness something brilliant is hiding to underearth our brightness once more?

It is especially true of the ocean about which we know so little. What hides beneath is so frightening and mysterious as to ignite our imaginations with a rapturous longing for answers. Answers that elude and confuse one.

Am I making too much of a simple thing like a view?

Yes, I imagine so if one doesn’t consider how everything in life comes back to your point of view.

How we look at things colors our existence in untold ways just as what we see effects our opinions and beliefs. How we see others and allow them into our lives deeply affects our view of the world.

Our perspective is through not just our eyes, but our mind and heart’s eye as well.

A view sparks memories, makes us feel warm wrapped in the intensity of the glow, gives us proof that light returns after darkness.

Or is it the mystery of what lies beneath the surface? Human nature is conditioned to peer inside the depths and unearth secrets.

Dark waters cover so much from our sight we can’t help but wonder and speculate. Is it perhaps the heights we feel we have climbed when staring down at the sea, twinkling city lights or across at a mountain filled with crags and shapes only revealed as the sun sets.

As humans we need to believe illumination follows darkness and that although sometimes surrounded by mountains of pain or immersed in the depths brilliance will return.

Views remind us on many levels of this truth and spark our need for reassurance. There is beauty in observing nature from up close, but perhaps it is our need to see things from afar that brings more clarity. Seeing things from a distance changes the perspective and allows us to take in all the facets of the picture before us.

It is of course obvious not everyone can afford a million-dollar view, but mountain tops are free and a seat on the sand is always available.

So if you need a bit of perspective right now perhaps looking at things away from the distortion of the flashing lights and chaos will allow the light of truth to shine through. Or just simply a need to be a part of a universe more expansive and unlimited.

In these times when moral clarity is distorted and hidden from view, we must create a perspective that sees with our heart, mind and eyes to truly understand what is there.