Category: type size

Round One: Birth

You come on with it, come on

You don’t fight fair

But that’s okay, see if I care

Knock me down, it’s all in vain

I get right back on my feet again

Hit me with your best shot

Why don’t you hit me with your best shot

Hit me with your best shot

Fire away… from Hit Me With Your Best Shot, the Pat Benatar song.

Many songs have been written about the difficulties of existence. Love, hate, sex, every emotion that affects the human condition has been analyzed, examined, written and sung about.

I have noticed a huge difference in the way young people today are prepared for life as opposed to the Baby Boomer generation.

We didn’t have video games that taught us to shoot, fight demons or tackle extraordinary tasks.

We had Roy Rogers, Superman and Mickey Mouse as our leaders. We were taught snide and sarcastic by a little stinker of a rabbit called Bugs.  No one actually believed you could travel through space on Flash Gordon’s cardboard spaceship.

Superman jumping in the air to fly didn’t inspire us to jump off a roof. Or at least hopefully most of us.

And come on, although we laughed our asses off when Coyote fell off that cliff and was crushed by an anvil, we never believed it was real.

It was all fun, but did it teach us life skills? Well maybe to buy everything at Acme.

I understand that life was very different in our era. Sure there were bad guys and mobsters, but we knew there was also a real live Eliot Ness to battle them.

We were taught that despots would be destroyed by armies of soldiers battling evil. And win.

It was also very clear that Mickey Mouse had the power to make anything happen on Wednesdays.

Honestly in many ways we were ill-prepared for the challenges or the dangers we’d face. Still, although many of those came much later in life, we did learn very quickly how to fight.

When we were called to battle in Viet Nam it was a shock to the system of an entire generation. Sadly, we didn’t cope with that battle very well. Perhaps it was the lack of tools.

Maybe life is simple and people make it hard.

If everyone just took a minute to breathe and reflect on the things that would simplify one’s trials and tribulations. In just a short time it would become clear, sometimes we just need better equipment.

Can a builder construct a house without tools? Or a doctor operate without instruments? Could you bake Toll House cookies without chocolate chips? Outrageous!

We all do better when we have the right tools for the job at hand.

In life the job is often surviving. Overcoming obstacles and fighting demons, from within and without.

Can you imagine how much easier life would be if the doctor strapped boxing gloves on us at birth. We’d be ready to do battle from day one.

However, it is a long time for most of us before we have to do any serious fighting. Our parents usually intercede to be our protectors until we reach a certain age. And when we reach that age what survival skills have been honed?

Our lives have been colored by a comfortable bubble that has allowed us to grow and thrive.

We are fed, housed and loved until reality kicks in. At least that’s the hope.

Recent generations have been more alerted to life. They understand war at its grittiest because they play it online as an avatar. They know about attack on their own home turf after 9/11. They have a far different view of life than a generation that loved Casper the Ghost.

So is it a matter of preparation, or a matter of stealing childhood?

Are Baby Boomers better off because we were caught off guard by a war on the other side of the planet? Were we tough enough to rise to the challenge, or too weak and chose to march instead?

Does playing video games, watching violent television shows and living in more turbulent times toughen you up or make you want to run and hide?

It’s a bit ironic that young people today are so sensitive. You can’t say anything to them that offends or invades their space. Even with all their violent video games and movies.

Baby Boomers seemed able to laugh so much off and ignore the rest. When bad came to our door we’d hide behind our parents and let them handle it. But when they didn’t, we had to and did.

So was ease and pampering simply a good way to make us feel secure and capable? Did we need to play at killing to rise up to the occasion?

Are heroes born or allowed to become?

Baby Boomers in some ways seemed idealistic and ill-prepared for parts of life that arose suddenly without warning. Still, we seemed to find the strength somewhere.

Are young people today any tougher or stronger for their games and toys?

Does being aware of the world make you any more adept at taking it on?

Truly I don’t think so.

Wearing boxing gloves doesn’t make you Mohammed Ali. And killing monsters on Xbox doesn’t help you defeat the real-life ones.

So what are the real tools we need to do battle?

The same that have always existed. Strength, determination, brains, fortitude and mostly a great sense of humor.

Because in the end laughter makes it less scary and shrinks problems down to a size you can conquer.

So, laugh it up guys and fasten your seat belts cause the craziness that is life isn’t going to change anytime soon.

Because as they say, whoever this they is, “it’s not how you start, but how you finish that matters.”

Wishing you all some overflowing tool boxes.

Why Can’t the Elves Forget Shoes and Sew Up World Peace?

Okay, I get that shoes are a big thing for women. Actually, bigger than big, but why the shoemaker? Who voted him in to get the help? Was his cousin on the Elf Board pulling strings? Making deals? Threatening blackmail? Oops sorry, that would be Congress.

That story about the elves sneaking in at night to make the shoes makes me feel quite cheated.

Was the shoemaker the only one worthy of their efforts?

I’m sorry, but I think there are many other jobs for which the elves could use their skills. I would like to suggest a few that could be embraced by many more people than shoemakers. Nothing against shoemakers of course.

First and foremost, I believe if they are going for creative endeavors, cleaning my house would be a great start. No problem if they move the furniture and redecorate the place. No sewing required so no eyestrain here. I don’t even care if they miss a few dust bunnies.

I would never insult them by using a white glove to check their work. I’m giving total creative license as long as it’s clean. And I don’t have to clean it.

Could anyone even imagine how wonderful it would be to go to bed thinking, damn I have to get to those floors tomorrow? Then BINGO you wake up in the morning and find your home sparkling and bright. Floors so clean you could eat breakfast off them.

That’s a big yes for me.

And while we’re at it, don’t forget the laundry while you’re here in cleaning mode.

I suppose I’m being a bit narcissistic here.

There are bigger problems for the elves to fix than my housework.

If they took their skills global, can you imagine how much they could benefit mankind?

Most of you wouldn’t be surprised to hear my first choice would be for the elves to fix starvation.

I have a plan. It would take way too long to go house to house and drop off groceries.  Even if they emptied the Keebler stash in the tree. Since they’re big on the whole sneaking in at night thing, I would take advantage of an aerial assault.

They could break up into 24 teams and fly over the earth dropping coupons for food in populated areas and seeds and water in the others.

The third team could fly over dumping loaves of bread and sandwich meats, heads of lettuce and carrots and other veggies. Then cook meals for teams to pass out in every area. Like a Meals on Wheels thing.

You probably think this is a simplistic approach to a major problem. I assure you these elves are darn good at taking care of business. They could provide a great many people with food who have none.

The reason I chose the elves is because they wear pointed shoes. World leaders and governments have pointed heads. Thus, my money would be on the elves.

Moving right along to solve the world’s problems, let’s tackle peace.

I have long advocated everyone eating together until stuffed and happy then fix the problem. However, I’ve lost confidence in that solution. After seeing so many people acting like mental patients, I don’t think food is the answer. No one has been cured by eating a Black Forest torte or Lasagna. Although I admit a Cadbury egg has saved my sanity many times

I’ve decided the elves could greatly help with the nutsos. They are good at stitching so they need to sew huge nets.Then comb the earth and find all the crackpots who spend their days advocating for murder and mayhem. Including also those with many other crazy ideas, among them being, returning the United States to the Native Americans, opposing gun regulation, thinking Elvis is wandering around Burger Kings in Michigan, believing O.J. Simpson spent his time looking for Nicolle and Ron’s killer on golf courses, saying Richard Nixon didn’t know about Watergate, claiming Jimmy Hoffa will be found and taxing lean corned beef sandwiches in New York City.

After the nets are secure the elves need to find remote islands around the globe and scoop the kooks up. Then drop them off with food and supplies until the normal people can restore order from chaos.

In a short time, the lunatics may realize they shouldn’t be in the company of humans and rethink their insanity. Or go to war with one another, just because they like to, thus solving the screwball problem for good.

Moving right along to climate issues. I spoke with the elves and they said the best way for people to begin getting serious about that would be to sew Greta Thunberg’s mouth shut. The more she talks the more people think being nice to our planet is a joke. See, some things are a very easy fix.

Those elves are really on top of things. I’m thinking that Christian Louboutin is secretly an elf.

Believe me I’m not making light of the serious problems that face humanity. Still, wouldn’t it be wonderful if someone could snap their fingers and make the world right again? Hope springs eternal.

However, I do believe that so much could be fixed if politicians would have their EGOs removed. A team of elves could perform an egoectomy on these morons.

Sadly, I also understand no army of elves could ever find a way to stop people from hating. It’s become a disease without a cure. Now even more widespread and terminal than COVID.

So, it seems for now the elves will have to be content to sew shoes for the lucky shoemakers.

Perhaps soon someone will find a way to sew peace and sanity back into the fabric of the world.

Most of us would be thrilled if anyone could sneak in at night and do that job. I’ll gladly supply the band aids for their sore fingers.